I don't know whether to get back with him

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I don't know whether to get back with him

Postby pinkroses » Mon Jul 13, 2015 12:23 pm

Hi,I haven't been on this site for a while now and I am really needing some help. I really like this man,but i'm not sure what I want to do. We have been together for 2 years and recently broke up,only for about two weeks when we started chatting again.He does say he loves me and lots of positive things about me and he spoke about wanting to move in but because of wanting to take things slowly I am not at that stage yet and have explained to him the reasons why.

There are positives to the relationship- I do love him,I am attracted to him,we have loads of things in common,he is older than me and therefore has more of a history but that is to be expected. We just click and have done since we met.
The reasons why we split up is (1) we argued a lot and I have a child and I didn't think it was healthy for my child to be around that and being a Mum is number one priority in my life (2) I don't know why but I don't trust him,we are in a long distance relationship.

He wants to get back to me,but I am in two minds,we can get past the arguing this is no longer as much of an issue,however we both still belong to a site online (not a dating site) because we both feel isolated and want to make more friends,he is a flirt and I have insecurities because I was cheated on in the past,which he also knows,he assures me he isn't doing anything wrong and that he loves me,but I keep getting these niggling doubts in my mind,he flirts with other women in front of me when we go places and also now that he is starting to make friends on this site,I feel he completely ignores me and neglects me. I don't know what to do.
pinkroses
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Re: I don't know whether to get back with him

Postby David020549 » Tue Jul 14, 2015 6:58 am

In two years you have got to know him quite well, you say he is a flirt and it sounds like that irritates you and I guess that has been an arguing topic. You feel insecure but does he go beyond flirting and have an affair, some men are natural flirts and that is probably part of the reason you are attracted to him, if you are hoping he will change, forget it. Men rarely change, we usually remain little boys its just the toys that get bigger, so you have to decide if you want him as he is. Don't expect to get all of his attention all of the time, you both should have outside contact and interests and be open with each other about it.
As for moving in, if he has a good job and can pay a fair share of the living costs then give it a go, so tell him if he pays the rent and you will pay the other costs and see how he reacts, if he expects to move in but not contribute forget it he is a waste of time
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Re: I don't know whether to get back with him

Postby pinkroses » Tue Jul 14, 2015 7:25 am

I know I have insecurities because along time before we met I was in a relationship where the person cheated on me and I was very trusting and naive,but not all relationships have made me feel like this. To be honest though,it's not his flirting per se that is the problem,he is very secretive and it's partly that that is causing the incecurities. I do agree with you,we should have outside interests and contact.
pinkroses
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Re: I don't know whether to get back with him

Postby David020549 » Wed Jul 15, 2015 7:09 am

I think most men are more secretive than women and it causes a lot of uncertainty, this is partly because men are far less talkative and keep their affairs and feelings to themselves. Secrecy aside is he reliable, does he do what he says usually, is he on time mostly and is he supportive in general, if in the past 2 years he has been unreliable then you won't want him moving in.
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