Am I deluded?

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Am I deluded?

Postby Loopy77 » Sat Jul 25, 2015 6:56 pm

Hi Guys, I really really need your help. I've got myself into a situation and don't know what to think or do anymore. 3 months ago I moved into a shared house, and instantly clicked with one of my house mates, we were both in relationships at this point, but would have deep conversations about our relationships. A few weeks later things broke down and we both ended up single! We then started to spend a lot of time together talking through all the rubbish we have been through and giving each other advice. I found that I was becoming attracted to him and we would always end up play fighting and teasing each other. We agreed that there was chemistry between us and a lot of sexual tension but that neither one of us could do sex without feelings getting involved and that both of us were not emotionally available! However one day we ended up having sex and it has happen twice more since then. He says he doesn't want a relationship but then acts like he does. We spend hours together every day, we cook for each other every day, we go out for meals, he even asks me to go shopping with him, or just out with him when he has places to go or things to do, I.e going to the barbers or doctors! He even bought up the first time we started talking, and said something along the lines of yes I remember! We had spent the day together the other day but when he came home after being out, he just turned around and said this has got to stop, I need to change my behaviour around you, it's not fair on you. And he has been quite cold with me since! I could really do with some perspective on what is going on! I'm so confused and hurt I feel like I have lost a friend and potential partner. Do I give him some space and time or do I just give up and get on with my life?
Loopy77
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Re: Am I deluded?

Postby Mrconfused74 » Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:32 am

It's quite possible that the reason he's cooled is because he doesn't want a relationship and you do! When there is no commitment it's easy to have a laugh and enjoy things, but as soon as you say your in a relationship it changes. I'm sure he loved the fact he could hang out with you and have sex, what guy wouldn't. But maybe he saw you were getting too close and he feels he needs to back off. As for what you do? Get on with your life, if he's not ready for a relationship then you need to accept that and just try and get back to how things were before. If you move on he might be able to relax more and your friendship can get back to how it was, just be yourself around him.
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Re: Am I deluded?

Postby Nomad » Sun Jul 26, 2015 6:51 pm

Mr Confused is so right Loopy. I feel for you and can see how things went the way they did, but all the signs are there. As said, because it turned into more, he's backed away. It's often hard to see it when you have amazing chemistry with someone because you want so much for it to go the way you dream it, that you ignore all the signs and take things too far too quickly. Sex can be so annoying sometimes as it messes up the other stuff. For girls it is often a way of expressing how you feel, but for guys it is easy for it to just be sex.
Yup, just crack on with life and give him space, do other things and get busy away form him. If he values you and sees potential he'll come back, but you need to leave it be now. If it's meant to be it will, without you doing anything but being yourself. Its not an ideal time for either of you like you said (just out of relationships), so honor yourself and have some you time.
All the best with and hope its not too tricky round the house :)
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