Desperate need for some serious advise please

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Desperate need for some serious advise please

Postby Scarlie » Sun Jul 26, 2015 12:09 am

Continue in my Relationship - I found Out My Mrs Has Been With My Bro Before ?
Good Evening
This is my first ever time doing this so im hoping it works.

I have been dating a girl since December 14 and things have now started to get serious. She has told me she loves me and i love her she makes me feel complete. However yesterday I was sorting through some bags and after coming across a Phone i decided to have a look on it. I quickly realized that it was my little brothers old phone.. Being nosy I started looking through to see what was on there and I came across some messages from the girl I am now in a relationship with. These messages were sexual and talked about things that had happened, Pictures and things like dates etc...She has said that she didnt actually sleep with him but there was some oral sex and the reason why she didnt sleep with him was because she was on her period. As you can imagine this came as a complete and utter shock to me because even though my brother is a player I had absolutely no idea that anything had ever gone on between them. The messages were sent around July 2014 so it was 5 months before I started talking to my current Mrs.

Now the fact that it happened is non of my business, I wasn't with her at the time or even really spoke to her, my issue is the fact that she never told me and never would of told me if I hadnt of found that phone , and neither did he and i feel like she should of told me because I would of never got involved with her if I would of known what had happened with my younger brother. She has allowed me to develop feelings for her without me even realizing that any of this happened which i think is wrong. I feel disgusted and ashamed because the way she spoke to him in the messages reminded me of the way she spoke to me. I still feel like i love her but i cannot get the images out of my head.

How can i trust her around him , How can I be in the same room with both of them knowing what has happened, Imagine getting married and my brother being my best man ?? every time I see them in the same room i will have flashbacks.

So my dilemma is do i stay with her because I do love her and hope that i can get over the fact she has been sexual with my little brother (Which i dont think i can do because it will always be there in my head) or do I let go of love and deal with the heartbreak and hope that I can meet someone in the future who will make me feel special but without the fact they have been sexual with my little brother

Please help me im happy to give any more information if needed
Scarlie
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Re: Desperate need for some serious advise please

Postby David020549 » Sun Jul 26, 2015 2:11 pm

Almost all of us have a relationship history and generally it is kept private, don't ask don't tell is the usual routine, your girlfriend has probably had several partners in bed, but it does matter that one was your brother.
The problem is that you don't feel able to trust either of them and that is not likely to change, it will be in your head for a long time and come to the surface every time they meet, probably it is for the best to find another girlfriend. I realize that sounds hard but it means you both start with a clean sheet with no nagging doubts, there is nothing worse than not sleeping because you are worrying, "will he, has she, would they."
It is partly her fault, she knew it was your brother and their relationship was likely to be revealed eventually, the photos etc were a mistake many girls make it is all too easy to be seen by the wrong person, so be thankful that it was not revealed after you got married with kids.
David020549
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