Asking about the ex-girlfriend. Do I have a right to know?

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Asking about the ex-girlfriend. Do I have a right to know?

Postby dawnrazor » Wed Jul 29, 2015 5:39 pm

I posted something recently about exes still being in the picture and I'm looking for some follow up advice about my situation.

Without going into too much detail (check my previous post instead if you so wish), my boyfriend's ex is still in the picture and I'm not overly comfortable with it. He has another ex whom I've met and liked. They have a healthy boundary set in place when communicating. But this other one doesn't feel right in my gut.

I trust my boyfriend completely but I feel that merely being reassured about his love for me is not enough. I've heard nothing but negative things about this girl and the fact she's back in his life doesn't add up with my boyfriends unyielding character (e.g. You hurt me, its over. We're done, close the door and move on etc.)

I feel like I need to ask questions. And I've always stopped myself because a) I dont want to look insecure and b) I feel I may be crossing a line and being nosy.

Am I justified in seeking out answers from him in regards to her and their history? Surely if he's opening the door and allowing her to text and phone every week I should have a right to ask, why? Opinions welcome x
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Re: Asking about the ex-girlfriend. Do I have a right to kno

Postby Tarantula » Thu Jul 30, 2015 3:26 pm

This is a joke. Your BF is staying over his exes place? Well then they're definitely sleeping together aren't they.

Come on for him to put you in this position, he's clearly not treating you with respect and consideration. Phone calls every week? Texts? What more proof do you need that he ain't loyal?

I'm on one end of the ex spectrum, where I don't bother keeping ambiguous 'friendships' with my exes because when it's over, it's over, and I don't mess with that at all. But if I did, there would be clear boundaries in place and it would only ever be a highly limited, highly restricted kind of 'friendship' that wouldn't really be a friendship. So basically no. I don't go there. It's too weird. Plus I respect any new partner enough to not leave exes sniffing around.

Your BF sounds like a fool or a guy who is playing everything to his advantage because you, Miss Nice, are not sticking up for yourself. To hell with 'not wanting to look insecure'. Stop caring about how things look and start caring about how things ARE. The reality is you DO feel insecure in this relationship and with good flamin' reason! Your BF is taking the mick, and he knows he can. He's calculated all of this a long time ago.

Staying at his exes place. What a joke.
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Re: Asking about the ex-girlfriend. Do I have a right to kno

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu Jul 30, 2015 7:54 pm

Tarantula is right, a guy doesn't keep in contact with an ex this much unless he either still has feelings for her, or is sleeping with her. I've never kept in contact with an ex, on the one occasion I did, I just ended up getting used, so for me that's it once we split. If a guy is sharing a bed with another woman he only has one intention.
If you want to ask him then do so, but be prepared for the truth. He may lie saying she needs help, he feels sorry for her etc. but that's what her friends and family are for. Tell him it's either you or her, if he chooses you and still contacts her then he's simply not worth it. Move on and be happy with someone else.
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Re: Asking about the ex-girlfriend. Do I have a right to kno

Postby rufio89 » Sat Aug 01, 2015 11:20 am

I dont think he's definitely sleeping with her as the others have said but the whole thing is still wildly inappropriate. Youre well within your rights to kick up a fuss about this and you're not being needy or nosy.
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