partners past

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partners past

Postby bunnyhops » Tue Aug 04, 2015 9:27 am

I am what you could call in the autumn of my years.
I have been with a new partner for almost a year now.
He has been married before and had children, as indeed have I.
My problem comes with the last person he was with. He lived with her for eight years, they have no children, but
have a house and a holiday home together.
They have been apart for seven years, but the properties remain joint.
He swears I am the love of his life, and that we will marry someday, however he knows I would
never marry him whilst he still has ties to his ex.
Despite this, he has not, to date, tried to sort anything out, saying he doesn't want anything to do with her.
My dilemma is this. Do I just accept this relationship for what it is. Two lonely people, living together, he is
the kindest, funniest, most caring man I know, and leave it at that.
Unfortunately, I am a romantic at heart, and believe that if someone loves you, they would move heaven and
earth to be with you, properly.
Thinking with my head, I should just live my life and be happy, but is that enough, I wonder, when you know you will
never be, the love of his life.
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Re: partners past

Postby Mrconfused74 » Tue Aug 04, 2015 4:51 pm

Without knowing all the details it could well be that his ex can't afford to buy him out, so by having his name on the properties, means that he will have a say when they are sold and will receive money from it. So to me it just sounds good sense. If she can afford to buy him out then that's an option. If his children still live at home he may not want to force them out and disrupt things after the break up of their parents marriage. It sounds like apart from this one issue everything else sounds fine, your happy and enjoying the relationship. So do that, what has he said is the reason?
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Re: partners past

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Aug 05, 2015 12:24 pm

If he isn't in touch with her then I don't see the problem
Is it a finacial issue or just that there is a tie?
Are you frightened she will come after him for money?
He may well know that leaving it is the best option because giving her contact about this may open a whole can of worms for him and he doesn't want to go there
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: partners past

Postby Minna » Wed Aug 12, 2015 3:07 pm

"Two lonely people, living together, he is the kindest, funniest, most caring man I know, and leave it at that."

Sounds like you are a very lucky lady to have found love with a good man (albeit a "laid back" man!) ... Leave it at that!
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Re: partners past

Postby David020549 » Thu Aug 13, 2015 7:06 am

It sounds like you are a happy couple committed to each other, most women in that situation would want to be married and benefit from the extra security and property rights that a wife gets. One exception to that would be if you have a large amount of assets yourself and you have no need, as you say you are "in the autumn" of your years if he were to die suddenly you could be homeless. Joint assets with his former partner it can get very complicated to divide up on death and if you are not married you might get nothing, that is probably not important now but in say ten years time being homeless may not be an attractive prospect.
There in no need to do anything about previous joint property but if he asks you to marry say YES
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