Why is this happening? Is it me?

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Why is this happening? Is it me?

Postby Chewie1988 » Wed Aug 05, 2015 4:54 pm

First time i'm posting on any forum like this so a little nervous.

Just coming up on three weeks ago my girlfriend ended our relationship, to say i'm devastated is an understatement. I keep getting told by everyone with time it will start getting better but if anything it's just getting worse!

I only met her in January of this year so it was no means the longest relationship but it was sublime, it felt really special. I finally had something to be really proud of, so when she ended things completely out of the blue, it hit me like a train. I just can't make sense of anything. I treated her like a queen, because she didn't deserve anything less. I was attentive, caring, generous, our sex life was amazing (for the both of us), nothing made me happier than making her happy. She told me no one had ever treated her as well as I did or ever make her feel as beautiful. She never gave any clues about not being happy which is strange because we told each other everything.

I've never loved someone the way i feel for her, and she told me the same so i felt unbelievably grateful to have found someone who (I thought) felt the same way about me as i did about her. What could have possibly changed in such a short amount of time to make her want to end things? Literally a week before we had been talking about plans for Halloween and Christmas, a couple of weeks before that we'd got tickets to go to our first music festival together next year, it was like someone had flicked a switch in her head.

When it happened she said to me it's nothing i've done and she still cares about me but she just knows that one day she will make me miserable. I know she's had bad relationships in the past which have really hurt her, but i thought i was helping her heal those scars.

I just don't know what to do, she was one if not the most important part of my life. Several people have already criticised me saying there is more to life than being in a relationship but they just don't get it, its just the type of person i am, i've got a big heart and a lot of love to give, i've never been as happy as i was when we were together. I don't know if i've scared her or something with how i am, is it me?

I can't put in words how how distraught i feel, it's like i've had a hole punched through my chest. I just can't stop thinking about her, all day, all night, i can't sleep, i feel like i'm going insane! All i can think about is "is she missing me?" and "What can i possibly do to get her back?".

Sorry for sounding needy, i'm just in such a state of misery i just don't know what to do.

Thanks
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Re: Why is this happening? Is it me?

Postby Mrconfused74 » Wed Aug 05, 2015 5:17 pm

Firstly how old are you? Secondly even if you did convince her to come back to you, there is no guarantee that things will be the same as before. You'll be worrying that she'll just leave again and wondering why she ever did. Yea it's hard to move on, those initial first months are great and breaking up so soon will make it all the harder. I was with someone that had bad previous relationships and just ended it with no reason. Perhaps it was because she was being treated so well she didn't think it could've true someone could treat her so well. If it's closure you need text her and ask her. But my advice would be move on, and find someone who appreciAtes you for who you are.
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Re: Why is this happening? Is it me?

Postby Chewie1988 » Wed Aug 05, 2015 5:46 pm

Thanks for your reply. I'm 27. Someone else mentioned that too me a few days ago, if she's never been treated as such she's not used to it, but i can't comprehend how that would be a bad thing, surely that would be a posetive to be treated in such a way?

I understand where you're coming from, if i ever did manage to salvage something forever worrying is it going to happen again, i just wish i didn't.
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Re: Why is this happening? Is it me?

Postby Mrconfused74 » Wed Aug 05, 2015 7:14 pm

You would think it would be a positive thing, but if she's always been treated bad, let down or cheated on in the past she will be expecting it again, no matter how you act. So for her to have any decent sort of relationship she needs to sort out her issues first. And for her to do that she needs to be left Alone. She may well get into another relationship and see just how good she had it with you and that may be the wake up call she needs. So don't dwell on what might of been just use it as an experience. Which will hopefully make your next relationship better.
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Re: Why is this happening? Is it me?

Postby Chewie1988 » Wed Aug 05, 2015 7:59 pm

I see what you mean, I must admit I never thought of it from that point of view but it does make sense. I'm doing my best to give her time and space by not bothering her (no matter how unbearable the urge to contact her is, it's driving me insane!)
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Re: Why is this happening? Is it me?

Postby Mrconfused74 » Wed Aug 05, 2015 9:34 pm

By contacting her all your doing is letting her know your waiting. By getting on with your life she knows your not pining for her. I know what it's like about trying not to talk to someone you really like, I'm there right now. Just need to occupy your time, keep busy and avoid places you know she might be.
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Re: Why is this happening? Is it me?

Postby Minna » Wed Aug 12, 2015 2:45 pm

Hi. I suspect that, unfortunately, she has found someone else. I would guess that because you have been so good to her (and you sound a really nice guy) and she really likes you, that she has been putting off the inevitable in telling you that she was moving on. You say that you were both planning for next year and then, a week or so ago, were talking about Hallowe'en and Christmas. Perhaps this brought it home to her that she was wrong to keep you hanging on without giving you the truth.
It is also because you are a nice guy that she said that the problem was with herself and not you, because she does not want to hurt your feelings. She probably feels terrible to have done this to you because she is very fond of you, but couldn't hold it back any longer.
Of course, I don't know her and I hope I'm wrong, but please consider that this is the situation. It happened not because you did anything wrong - you did everything right - but because she found someone else.
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Re: Why is this happening? Is it me?

Postby David020549 » Thu Aug 13, 2015 11:31 am

A switch has flicked.
About a year ago a group of us 3 girls a 4 guys were killing time at a club I go to, chatting generally then someone started bantering the girls about relationships, one of the girls said OK let's all tell our stories. One by one we revealed all, some good some bad, last was Maggie, very attractive, single, late thirties.
"My first serious boyfriend at 16 lasted 4 years then I woke up one morning and went off him, no reason he was devastated no one else was involved I just went off him. A couple of years later met my husband, married, had a son an idyllic couple you would think, then after 10 years I did the same again, just finished it for no reason just as if a switch had flicked in my head. I vow never to do that to a man again I am poison, any of you can date me if you want but I will never let you get close to me."
Maggie seems a nice friendly sociable girl yet has this fatal flaw, so you may search for some logical explanation to your problem but may never find the answer.
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Re: Why is this happening? Is it me?

Postby flashcampbell » Mon Aug 17, 2015 8:55 am

Sorry to hear this. Were you with her long? I think our mind likes to overcomplicate things. I doubt it's to do with 'issues' or that you treated her too well. She may not even have found someone else. I think, in her head, the relationship has run its course. Harsh as it sounds, the only way you can get through it is to accept it and, in the early stages, while you are still in shock, just keep putting one foot in front of the other
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Re: Why is this happening? Is it me?

Postby Chewie1988 » Thu Sep 10, 2015 11:23 am

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for your responses, they have helped immensely! I finally feel like I am moving forward. It's taken time but feel I am through the worst of it. I've come to a few realisations concerning the whole situation and have come to terms with how it turned out. Bottom line is I can't sit wasting my life away pining for someone who doesn't feel the same way about me. It's one of the times to pick myself up, dust myself off and move on.

Thanks again everyone.

Take care
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