I think I need serious help... Any advice please??

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

I think I need serious help... Any advice please??

Postby SirusTheVirus » Thu Aug 06, 2015 9:08 am

Hey all,

It all started 10 years ago when i started talking to my ex-gifriend online. We spoke for about a year and then finally met up. From the word go, it was love, as I already knew her so much. Slowly the arguments crept in a few years later, we split up but she took be back a few weeks later saying how much of a mistake she had made etc.

Another couple of years later we split up, mainly because she started driving and got a car, and i got dropped like a hat for this new 'friend' that was only using her to take her places (yet i was the only one who could see it) which obviously made me feel mad. One thing led to another.

I then heard that she had been in a car crash, lying in bed with work at 8am i jumped out of bed and drove straight to the hospital to be with her. This apparently showed her how much i still actually cared for her and again i took her back because i loved her.

Another couple of years later we got the news that we were having a child, which forced me to get a new, better paid job, get us a house for our family to live in which I did. Paid all the bills, got the house up to a livable standard for my new family. It lasted 2 years. Her parents were constantly intervening where our son was concerned and one daybi snapped at her mother. Obviously we went hime and screamed the house down where i was the called a f*****g rat! I exploded and maybe done something i shouldnt have (kicked an interior door through) and stormed out.

I broke it up this time and moved in with my father for a year and have since been in my own place for almost 2 years. While I was living with my father me and her had a 'casual' relationship. Wrong I know, but we both knew what we were doing. That went on for about 18months.

So, I invites her to my olace for tea one night and she agrees (son was with my sister), and she stayed the night. A couple of weeks later I asked her if she wanted to go and see a movie, she agreed and again, came back to my place and stayed. I thought things were going good and was getting ready to see if she wanted to give things another go.

I then get hit with the bombshell of shes with someone. I went down to see her and told her what i was planning on doing and that things were going great but she just side swiped me. Told me she had mo feelings for me apart from being the baby's father. She moved him into her house within 3 months of meeting him which obviously caused arguments regarding some complete stranger living with my son.

They have been together now for almost a year, and i still can't get her out of my head. I joined a gym, learning to speak spanish, which all work for a while but then when I'm alone she just creeps back in and I still love her, more than anything and jts ripping me apart knowing that she has moved on. I just dont know where to go from here. I have tried everything, even had a couple of flings and dates but still, she overwhelms me.

Do tou think I shoukd go and see a councillor? I just dont know where to turn now.
SirusTheVirus
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 8:43 am
Gender: Male

Re: I think I need serious help... Any advice please??

Postby David020549 » Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:47 am

You don't need a councilor, you need to accept that she has a new man and you are history, give up any hope of reconciliation. Finding another permanent girlfriend would help a lot, concentrate on having a good relationship with her and that does not mean letting her have her own way, make joint decisions staying together is a balancing act. Spend time together go on days or evenings out with her rather than your mates, but not exclusively, she will need time to do her things. Remember women are often volatile and unpredictable you need to be the even tempered partner, don't react, let her calm down. I know one couple, she kicks off very easily, he just stands back and laughs at her but they have been married for a long time.
David020549
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 345
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:29 am
Gender: Male

Re: I think I need serious help... Any advice please??

Postby snail » Fri Aug 07, 2015 9:16 am

David020549 wrote:Remember women are often volatile and unpredictable...


I honestly don't think advice based on intensely misogynistic views is going to be helpful. It's personality that is relevant to how volatile someone is, not gender.

Sirus, your ties to this woman are deep and go back a very long time, so it's no surprise you are finding this very difficult indeed. The only thing I would say is that you gave the relationship lots of chances but it was still plagued with problems, so it doesn't sound like it ever really worked. When you have the constant highs and lows like that it can become addictive, and make the relationship that much harder to give up, but it isn't healthy.

Go see a counsellor if you think it will help - you haven't got anything to lose really - but I think you probably just need time. Eventually, if you don't get back with her again (which I would try to avoid doing) you will move on and meet someone else you love. In the meantime you have your son to concentrate on.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4344
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female

Re: I think I need serious help... Any advice please??

Postby David020549 » Sat Aug 08, 2015 9:16 pm

Wow, I didn't expect such a volatile response, which proves my point!. For information I am not a woman hater i have no reason to be, all my female family and friends are really good, and all the female professionals I deal with are probably more efficient than the men, actually I like women.
But let's not hog Sirus's thread, the point I was making was don't go kicking doors in with a new girlfriend treat her nicely with respect, spend time with her, then you have done your best.
David020549
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 345
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:29 am
Gender: Male

Re: I think I need serious help... Any advice please??

Postby Mrconfused74 » Sun Aug 09, 2015 7:50 am

Its simple, she knows you'll be there for you at the drop of a hat and so plays on it. What you need to do is stop. Because if you don't you'll never find someone of your own. She could go from bloke to bloke and every time she's single you'll be there like a puppy. It's not easy to stop having feelings for someone but she's playing you for a fool and has done all the time. Soon as a new friend comes along she drops you, because she knows your waiting. You need to get your own life, only see her to pick up your kid, better still make sure she's not there when you go. Go out with your mates enjoy yourself find a new girlfriend. Or sit about sulking till she splits with her guy and be ready to get dumped again.
Mrconfused74
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 258
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2015 11:24 pm
Gender: Male


Return to Girlfriends & Boyfriends - Husbands & Wives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot] and 4 guests

cron