Girlfriend has put "relationship on hold" -no contact

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Girlfriend has put "relationship on hold" -no contact

Postby fatmilly_71 » Sun Aug 09, 2015 5:47 pm

A couple of months ago I met a beautiful lady online and we met up and clicked straight away. I knew that she was married but seperated (to another woman - we're both women) but as the wife had left over a year ago and lived abroad , this was not a major issue initially. We are both in our mid forties.

As we live over a hundred miles apart and both run our own businesses, spending quality time together isn't easy but I have been spending every weekend at her house for the last two months up until a couple of weeks ago. We were very loved-up, she wanted me to move in and invest in my business etc. She told me she loved me and I would "never lose her". She said she would start divorce proceedings in July as she wouldve been seperated for a year by then . Then one weekend out of the blue, her wife emailed her and asked for a divorce. She rang to tell me and was incredibly depressed about it. I told her she should be pleased but she got very agitated with me and told me it was a shock and had affected her. I repeatedly asked her if she still had feelings for the wife- who had cheated on her, hence the split- but she was adamant she didn't. However, a black cloud has come down on our relationship since the divorce email and although she has filed the petition for divorce (the wife asked her to do it as she is an NZ national and has no money) she has pushed me further and further away since this happened.

When we first met she told me she was broken due to past abusive relationships and that if she felt I was getting too close she would push me away. She told me to persevere with her if this happened. So I have done. However, she has been very irrational and very depressed the last two weekends we spent together, almost as if she has bi-polar or a borderline personality disorder . Two weeks ago she rang me and told me she was "putting us on hold for a bit" as she "didn't want to think about us right now", I tried to talk to her but she started crying and put the phone down. I left it for a couple of days and then rang back saying I wanted to be there for her and support her while she was going through the divorce and feeling low but she says she can't. She says she doesn't mean we're never going to be together but just not while her head is in a mess. I have only text her twice in the last fortnight to see if she was ok but apart from brief polite replies I have heard nothing. No phonecalls, no texts. I have deliberately not contacted her for over 10 days to give her space but I am fearful that I will never hear from her again and this hurts me deeply . It just seems as if she has cut me off , although I still have a key to her house which she has not asked me to return. I love this woman very much. What should I do?
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Re: Girlfriend has put "relationship on hold" -no contact

Postby Mrconfused74 » Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:19 am

Just text her occasionally, nothing to deep, just that your seeing she's ok, and she knows where you are if she wants to talk. It's obvious she's going through a lot, and in one way it's good she's noticed that being together at this time could hurt the relationship. But by not texting at all she may think you don't care. And so won't text you either. A text every day or so shows your thinking about her.
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Re: Girlfriend has put "relationship on hold" -no contact

Postby fatmilly_71 » Mon Aug 10, 2015 3:00 pm

Thanks for your response. I'm still apprehensive about contacting her as I've made the first move the last twice so it's made me think if I keep doing that I'll push her further away.
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Re: Girlfriend has put "relationship on hold" -no contact

Postby pinkroses » Tue Aug 11, 2015 7:37 pm

Personally,if you've already told her that you're there for her and how you feel,the only thing you can do is just get on with things and wait for her to contact you. If you contact too much it's probably going to drive her in the opposite direction. I know this is easier said than done,but it's better to just keep yourself occupied right now and concentrate on yourself otherwise you will only drive yourself insane wondering if and when she will contact you.
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