Not even sure that there is a future after separation

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Not even sure that there is a future after separation

Postby Olb47 » Sun Aug 16, 2015 12:21 am

Its my first post and I've been drinking so excuse my spelling and grammar. Thank god for spell check !!
I've been separated for a 14 months - my wife confessed that she no longer loved me and that our relationship had become a huge lie.
We have a17 year old daughter so our split has been amicable and controlled so we spare her any pain.




It has left me with little confidence in myself and the future seems bleak. we were married for almost 18 years and I cannot see a future without her. The thought of another relationship scares me to death.
Will it get better ? I seem to be carrying on just to ensure my daughter is happy . Its hard. Tell me it will get better or at least more bearable.
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Re: Not even sure that there is a future after separation

Postby snail » Sun Aug 16, 2015 1:25 pm

Hi Olb47. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment. There is always a future, but it can be very hard to see it when you're in the grip of despair. How do you feel this morning?
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Not even sure that there is a future after separation

Postby Olb47 » Sun Aug 16, 2015 4:21 pm

Head's a tad sore! Thanks for asking.
In the light of day I feel I've spent so much time dwelling over the past that I've ignored the future. I need time to heal and to learn to like myself again. Baby steps.
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Re: Not even sure that there is a future after separation

Postby David020549 » Tue Aug 18, 2015 7:18 am

The shock of this after 18yrs must have been devastating and I sympathize but she had been planning this for some time and in reality there is no easy way to tell you. This break up when the kids are independent is becoming quite common, women who have devoted their time to home and family want freedom to have fun and do their " own thing", whereas men usually have the time to pursue a sport or hobby when they are married.
All you can do is accept the split and plan you own single future, you should not think of a new relationship for a while but you need to get out and mix you probably have a circle of friends, spend more time with them, let them know you have been dumped. One good mixing venue is the local leisure centre, the gym the swimming pool, any time from 7 am to late, join a new club, whatever you fancy. Take a holiday, there are lots of group holidays that singles can tag on to, just google " singles holidays" they are wherever you want as long as you want, choose a busy schedule and you won't have time to brood.
Try not to close the door on your wife, when she has had her fling unless she is very independent might find that the single life can be very lonely, reconciliations are common, even after many years of divorce, so agree with her not to spend lots of cash on solicitors that you might spend enjoying separately.
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