wife needs space advice

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wife needs space advice

Postby mrpike85 » Wed Aug 19, 2015 8:06 pm

Hi guys completely new to the forum but I'm stuck in a nasty situation and need some more opinions on the matter ,

I'm 29 and my wife is 25 been married 3 years and have been together for 8 and have a son aged 6

My wife (naomi) has asked for some space, some thinking time it's not the first time she's thought about doing it but this time she was serious and I actually decided to vacate to my brother sofa hahaha

I left on Monday morning and today is Wednesday ,
She asked for space because she said my insecurities and suffocation has pushed her away ,
6 months ago she was messaging a guy on snap chat and I found out by her phone pinging next to me and I looked and saw what was going on ,

This was at the same time she needed space and that she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me , she apparently told me everything that they spoke about and that nothing ever happened and she said she wasn't going to message him again ,

Anyway turns out he goes the the same gym which she goes to , she goes 5-6 days a week straight from work (we both work full time , she started full time 6months ago to date) so she gets home at 8pm most days , I have reece (our son) straight after work at 4.30 feed him etc put him to bed and have him every weekend , basically all my non work time is with him , I work 8-4.30 . I have a really strong bond with him always have ,

Anyways she says she never sees this guy and that it was nothing and I should trust her ,
But ivery found it hard , she always going to that gym and I always give her grief in going , not very supportive towards the whole thing. So she's always really busy , Im trying to get her time , she's spending less time at home , with our son , she's getting annoyed with me and probably finding time away from home , I'm making her feel bad and it's gone on a downward spiral for a while , and now it's come to this , on Saturday we went to a family bbq and I digged into her about the whole gym dieting thing and emarbarresed her (although honestly she is very slim already and doesn't need a hardcore 12 week challange ) when I shouldn't have , Anyways one thing led to another and on Sunday she seem distant and I quizzed her distantNess and she said enough is enough I need some space so she asked me to leave so I did for work Monday morning with a bag and went to my brothers ,

How much space does she need?
Im the one who cooks.for our son puts him to bed every night and she wants me gone , she said she shouldn't be the one leaving as it's all my fault ,

I know reece would want me at home probably thinks it weird I'm not there , I know it hasn't been long but what do I do ?
The longer I leave it the harder it will be to get bk in and looks bad on me because I've the one that's left ,

She said if I come home she will uplift our son and that makes me selfish for putting him in that position but after all she wants the space and time to think and she knows I have a hugely strong bond with reece etc
Reece did stay with me at my brothers last night (Tuesday) and I dropped him home this morning as naomi had the day off and I wrongly spoke to naomi and she said she felt sick me being there ,

I did speak to her on the phone today and it wasn't a brilliant phone call because I said she should leave and I should be at home with reece because I'm normally with him so why should he suffer, she said I was emotionally blackmailing her , didn't end the call on a high note .

I've text her again tonight (wed) and I said I wanted to see reece tomorrow and suggested I see him at home make his dinner then put him to bed , she can go out and do gym or whatever then I'll leave when she comes home that way the little man thinks things are normall , she agreed ,
Then I have him on Friday night at my bros and all day Saturday as she is working ,
I'm happy as I know reece needs me .

I'm just stuck as what to do ? Do I tell her I'm coming home Saturday and i've given her a weeks space ,
If she still feels she doesn't want me then what's stopping her from leaving ? Why should I go ? Then if worst case she leaves and takes reece at least I have the house which is reece's home , at least I won't loose everything ?

Completey confused on what todo as I'm getting different advice from people ?

Please can someone input

Thanks Sam
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Re: wife needs space advice

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Aug 21, 2015 3:14 pm

How is your son coping with all this?

I think you should assume the worst and make arrangements to get Recee into a routine with both of you.

You are right your shouldn't have to leave your home if you have been the main care giver.

How is she coping now having to be there for your son all the time?

No one knows what;s in Naomi's head but you could suggest couples counselling wither to sort it or to ensure you split amicably for your little one
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Re: wife needs space advice

Postby Mrconfused74 » Fri Aug 21, 2015 4:10 pm

Insecurity can lead to you pushing a partner away, even into the arms of someone else. what's likely happening is that every time she goes to the gym she is seeing him and moaning about you, all he has to do is listen to her and be supportive, and she will pick up on this, that way he becomes her confident, the one she talks too with problems, and will see this as affection. He just has to sit back and wait for her to come to him. Now whether he really likes her, or just sees her as something casual is another thing. I've seen in cases like this that when women do this, the guy eventually gets bored or tired of the relationship and she ends up trying to get back with her Husband etc.
Now if you were a woman people would be advising you not to leave, and keep as much routine for your son as possible, if she is hardly there and you are the primary carer, then it should be you that stays. He is the most important part of this situation, and should be affected as little as possible, hard as it may be that if she isn't already then putting your foot down and making her leave may push her to this guy. It's something you will have to live with, but like Bel Bel said you should accept that the worst has happened and she is already in an affair. Go and see someone about your insecurities, so that you can work on them, don't worry about what she is doing, or has done, think about your son, then if she sees sense and that you have changed, she may realise what she has lost, or if it does go wrong you will be better for your next relationship. I know it's not easy to do, but it's possible, and will take time, but take your mind off it by being there for your son.
But most importantly get back in the house, routine is important for children and he's not got that right now.
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Re: wife needs space advice

Postby David020549 » Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:03 pm

As you have been together 8 years it sounds like it is the arrival of a child that triggered this, so a couple of questions for you,
What does she mean your "insecurities"
Do you question how she cares for your son.

The final straw for her seems to have been the " Family BBQ" why did you feel it nessasary to humiliate her in front of the family
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