What do I do???

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What do I do???

Postby Chouhan101 » Tue Aug 25, 2015 9:59 am

Hey guys so I'm in a bad situation...

So every since my gf got back from her holiday she's been acting weird due to her grades that she received while not being at home. She told me that when she saw her grades she feels like everything has changed due to her having bad grades before and she's been acting up as in she doesn't care about the relationship anymore and doesn't bother about anything. I don't want to break up with her thought as she is my world and I love her a lot. It's a very sticky situation because she's just giving me the cold shoulder so yeah

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Re: What do I do???

Postby snail » Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:20 pm

I'm not sure this is just about her grades - is there any chance she could have met someone else while on holiday? Whatever the reason for her behaviour, if you don't want to break up with her then all you can do is be patient with her and encourage her to talk about what the problem is.

If she actually starts to treat you badly though, then you should take control and end it yourself. Letting her treat you badly won't help the relationship.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: What do I do???

Postby Tarantula » Tue Aug 25, 2015 7:35 pm

I also don't think this is about her grades, as that's a separate department of her life; I could understand why that would cause a dip in her mood, but it shouldn't directly affect the relationship in such a drastic way.

As much as you want to 'do' something, to intervene, to take action - and as counterintuitive as this may sound, therefore - I think the best thing you can do is step back, give her some space, and stay busy doing your things until she pulls herself out of her mood and decides to communicate properly.

What she's doing isn't cool, but until you know more, it's difficult to know what action to take. So, as in so many other cases in life, embrace the fine art of Doing Nothing. Wait, observe, see. And keep busy in your own life.

The more you try to reach out and push her for details/clarity, the more she will withdraw. If you like, just shoot her a quick message of 'I understand that you've been hit with some bad news and feel shaky about things, so I'm going to give you space to decide what you need. Let me know when you want to talk.'

I know that sounds formal, but it's drawing a line, being polite and non-needy/non-aggressive, and demonstrating value because the undertone of that message is 'I'm not going to chase you when you're not giving me anything back, so go sort yourself out.' Yet if you say that directly to her, it will cause an argument/push her away. Demonstrate, don't describe!

I know it's hard but I really believe it's the best course of action, to try and detach and do whatever you have to do to take your mind off her.

It is possible that she met someone or did something on holiday, but without further info it's probably best not to dwell on that at this point. Hang back, and see what she does.

And let us know!
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