should i leave him or not?

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should i leave him or not?

Postby island2015 » Sat Aug 29, 2015 5:28 pm

Hi everyone
I apologise in advance for the length of this post, but my head is all over the place just now so really need some outside perspectives on the title posted above.
Background info
Have been with my partner just over 7 years. I do love him a lot, and in some ways we have a fantastic relationship.
Now onto the problem
I am visually impaired and originally from another country(won't say which) have recently moved to the uk to work, home is not that far from here.
I couldn't get a job where i was from due to my disability.
I have always wanted to live in the uk so applied for my job at the beginning of this year. Had interview at start of February and was delighted to be called back the day after to be told I'd gotten the job.
My bf, who i was living with at the time, wasn't exactly happy for me and first said that if i took the job and went to the uk that it would be the end of our relationship.
Towards the time when i was leaving he said could we not give it a chance and see how it goes, and he also said that at some point he might come over here to live.
He has now gotten a job himself though, and really he has admitted more than once that he doesn't want to come to the uk, and that he hopes at some point I'll come back.
I have decided that I am not going back home that i want to stay here as my career and the chance at one, is very very very important to me.
I know this is really mean of me also but i have started to wonder over the past few months what it would be like to be with someone else. I feel like my current bf lacks ambition in a lot of ways and wish he was more ambitious for himself.
We have broken up once since i moved but got back together, I just do not know what to do.
I know logically it probably can't work, but i just don't know how to be without him. 7 years is a long time and i really did think at so many points that he was the one I would spend the rest of my life with.
We have lived together previously but no proposal of marriage as he says he doesn't believe in it. I definitely want to be someone's wife someday. i have often during our relationship not felt important and like i was sometimes taken for granted.
I guess I am just finding the distance tough and if he says he is never coming over should i just leave things as they are and see how it goes or should i end it and find myself someone new?
Please help.
Thanks in advance
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Re: should i leave him or not?

Postby rufio89 » Sun Aug 30, 2015 9:50 am

Bluntly, I think yes, you should end it. I'm sure your relationship has had it's good points, and it doesn't sound like either of you are bad partners, but unfortunately, what you both want out of life doesn't match up, and neither one of you is being unreasonable in your expectations.

At the end of the day, if you want to like in the UK and he doesn't, that's not going to work. One of you is going to be unhappy and have to make huge compromises and that's not fair on either of you. 7 years is a long time, but if you don't think he can offer you what you want, then do you want to wait until it's 8, 9, 10 years?
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Re: should i leave him or not?

Postby miaow » Tue Sep 01, 2015 1:43 pm

I agree with Rufio89 - it sounds like your relationship has run it's course and moving to the UK was the make or break deal. He doesn't want to live here and doesn't want marriage; you want to stay here and to one day be married.

Best of luck x
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