Exhausted - need a break from hubby

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Exhausted - need a break from hubby

Postby miaow » Tue Sep 01, 2015 12:51 pm

I've not been on here for a long time, but need other people's perspective on my situation.

Hubby and I have been together 9 years, married for 2 years. We've had 2 unsuccessful IVF attempts and been told I am now unable to have children. This has had an effect on my health emotionally. It has been a long road and one that has been the most difficult in every aspect. Hubby was great throughout. The two failed attempts have been over the past 18 months. I still cry almost on a daily basis, in private, without my hubby knowing. I've had counselling and am a lot better that I was, but just need time to get over this.

I recently resigned from my job to try being self employed - I was unhappy in my work and this would be a new focus for me, Hubby agreed to support me whilst I got up and running. It was actually my hubby's idea to start with, and after a long talk I agreed. He has helped me a lot with ideas for my new role, and has bought stock for me to get me off the ground.

Today was my final paypacket from my old employer, I managed to pay my credit card off and send my half of the mortgage and bills to the joint account to cover everything for September. He agreed from October he would pay my share of the bills/mortgages. I need to point out I have always paid my own way and been independent, so him doing this was very kind but also a hard thing for me to agree to.

I told him I've managed to clear my credit card so I have no debt, and it's only the house bills that need covering. He told me I owed him money - I am aware and in agreement that any stock he has bought me for my new self employed role would be repaid when I was earning money - but he didn't say this. He said I owe him for the holiday we had in June, and for all the petrol I've put in the car and used.

I was gobsmacked. I muttered your incredible, he didn't know what was wrong. I just walked out and went to my parents- I have now come back home as he has gone to work, and I've packed a bag and left instructions on what to do with our pets (I do it all so he has no idea what they eat etc).

Am I being too sensitive>? Why am I so hurt by what he has said? I feel vunerable emotionally and now financially. I've always been in permanent full time employment so have been lucky with having a regular wage and always paid half my bills, I've never sponged off anyone.

Advice and thoughts please...thank you.
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Re: Exhausted - need a break from hubby

Postby snail » Tue Sep 01, 2015 1:50 pm

What he said was inconsiderate and a bit selfish, but I feel you did also overreact. I expect your traumatised mental state played a major part in your response.

I wouldn't walk out - at least take some time to think about it and talk again about it.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Exhausted - need a break from hubby

Postby miaow » Tue Sep 01, 2015 1:55 pm

I have always been financially independent - so my hubby agreeing to cover the house bills from October was a big thing for me. It's how I was brought up, to pay my own way and it's how it has always been in our relationship.

My issue is that my hubby said he would support me after I quit my job - but has now said he is racking up a bill for me - petrol, holiday.
Last edited by miaow on Tue Sep 01, 2015 1:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Exhausted - need a break from hubby

Postby miaow » Tue Sep 01, 2015 1:56 pm

I agree with you, I am emotional and am probably over reacting. I got close to a breakdown before Xmas and even questioned the point in living.
I will wait for him to come home tonight and try to discuss with him.
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Re: Exhausted - need a break from hubby

Postby snail » Tue Sep 01, 2015 2:05 pm

miaow wrote:I got close to a breakdown before Xmas and even questioned the point in living.


I understand - I have been there myself :( I don't know about you, but in some ways I felt like it (childlessness) would be easier to bear if I were on my own. That may also be playing a part in your feelings.
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Re: Exhausted - need a break from hubby

Postby miaow » Tue Sep 01, 2015 2:30 pm

I'm sorry you've been there Snail, it is a terrible thing for anyone to be told they can not have children. We all presume we will.

I do feel guilt for my hubby, and wonder if he'd married someone else he could have had kids by now.

I'm at the age where siblings and friends are all having babies, there is no getting away from it and i find it very tough. We'd not told anyone about the IVF or not being able to have children - all too raw at the moment.
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Re: Exhausted - need a break from hubby

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu Sep 03, 2015 8:08 pm

I'm very sorry to hear about the news you got, I can't imagine how you or your husband must feel about it, and I'm sure it played a major part in both your behaviour. What I don't understand is if you had a job till recently why are you being asked to pay for stuff from June? Your husband is clearly concerned about the situation going from two incomes to one is daunting. And coming off the back of your news is also a lot too take in.
Just walking out won't solve anything you do need to talk, not just about the money but recent news too, he may well be bottling a lot up, but is scared to show it.
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Re: Exhausted - need a break from hubby

Postby miaow » Thu Sep 03, 2015 8:16 pm

Thanks for your reply.

I stayed, we talked and he apologised.

Things that I would not normally have batted an eyelid at now I struggle to cope with. I overreacted instead of just asking him why he said what he said.

Feel a lot better now it's sorted, I must remember in future to take a deep breath and realise I only feel so emotional because of what we are both going through, and that's it probably a normal reaction.

Thanks guys for your responses.
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