Struggling with a relationship break-up.

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Just Landed
Just Landed
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:03 pm
Gender: Male

Struggling with a relationship break-up.

Post by kozmikpariah » Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:48 pm

Hi Folks,

This is my first post on this forum.

My story is not a new one, although I hope that in someway one aspect of it will act as a cautionary tale - especially to you young 'uns. ;)

I split up with my partner at the end of July this year, after being together for 3 years. I helped her find somewhere else to live and she moved out just under a month ago. The split was mutual and amicable, but I seem to be struggling with this one more than any other before. We had a great deal in common and a great rapport, similar tastes, interests, outlook on life and so on - sounds perfect, doesn't it? Well, yes, in some ways it was, but as time went on I gradually became less physically attracted to her and we ended up living like housemates for the best part of the last 10 months. We had no physical relationship through that time and I had no feelings for her anymore, other than strong friendship.

The connection we had was on a level that I had never experienced before - and I currently feel that it's likely that I will never have that again with anyone else. For the first couple of weeks on my own, I was getting concerned that I was starting to have some kind of mental breakdown, as I would start crying for no apparent reason, or if I found myself in a situation that reminded me of us being together - even if it was cooking a meal that we both liked; even small things like that. Over the last few days that seems to have gotten better and generally, I'm feeling more positive than I was about 3 - 4 weeks ago.

There is so much that I still miss about the relationship...the companionship, sharing of experiences, going off on spontaneous car drives and finding interesting's such a shock after 3 years together.

You're probably wondering "how long were you together before you moved in with each other?" and the answer to that is...pretty much straight away!

So there's the "cautionary tale" bit - make sure you take the time to get to know someone, before making that kind of commitment. :oops: At the time when we first met and started dating, I realise now that I got caught up in the fact that we had so much in common and never once entertained the thought that this might not ever be any more than a really strong friendship - had I have held on to my horses for a few months I might have come to that realisation and spared myself and my ex a lot of heartache. :(

Nevertheless, I don't regret it. We've had a lot of fantastic times together, a lot of fun and laughter and I'm sure that will continue - which again, is a first for me. Most of my break-ups have involved a lot of ill will, broken crockery and the ubiquitous "..AND ANOTHER THING!" conversation.

She's a tough act to follow and I don't think that anyone will match up, to be honest. A huge part of me feels that perhaps it's time to bow out gracefully from the relationship arena, cash in my chips and walk away; I've had every kind of conceivable relationship, since the age of 14; romantic, casual, marriage....I'm now 42, so no-one can say that I haven't given it a good try! Perhaps I'm being a bit :-({|= here, I dunno....

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this. If anyone would like to add their thoughts into the pot, then that would be great. :)

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