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Boyfriend hardly ever wants to have sex

PostPosted: Sat Oct 24, 2015 1:35 pm
by missB123
Heeeey, rather an embarrassing and sensitive subject, but I need to talk to people about this! My man and I have been together for a year and a half- when we first got together, we had sex every other day for about 2 weeks... As normal, the sex started to slow down, days apart weeks apart gradually to months apart. It has almost been 4 months since we have had sex, and it is making me feel very resentful and self conscious! The more recent times we have had sex have been after we have had an intense argument, it seems to trigger something in his brain that makes him want sex. The strange thing is that my boyfriend doesn't seem to even have morning wood, so I'm thinking it might just be some sort of physically problem- seeing as he is still very loving and intimate towards me in other ways, like hugging kissing and wanting to spend time together. Here comes the issue of I have spoken to him about my feelings, but nothing ever comes of it, and he refuses to see a doctor because he says he doesn't trust them. I know he isn't cheating, because he's always here and doesn't seem disinterested, sneaky or suspicious. He goes to the gym and lifts very heavy weights, might this have something to do with it?? He also has ADHD and had Tourette's syndrome as a kid, and when we do have sex he finds it very hard to finish due to nerve damage he obtained in his youth and can only accomplish it by using his hand or in a reverse cowgirl position, which might not help the situation! We have an excellent relationship otherwise, get on really well, mostly have the same views and lots in common. I just don't know what to do about things, we have spoken about it to no avail! He said that he's had this problem before but only in one of his relationships, but this time he says it feels different. He tells me countlessly that it has nothing to do with me, but I find that hard to believe because I have low self esteem as it is! Please if anyone has advice on how I might be able to find medical or psychological answers to this please reply! I can't get him to see a shrink or a doctor :(

Boyfriend sex problems!

PostPosted: Sat Oct 24, 2015 1:49 pm
by missB123
Hi all, quick briefing my be and I have been together a year and a half, we had a very healthy sex life which slowly degraded. It has been almost 4 months now since we last had sex, and we have spoken about it but no no avail. My Bf is 30, suffers from ADHD, and had Tourette's as a child. He also obtained nerve damage to his genital area in his youth, due to martial arts, and finds it very hard to finish during sex, and can only finish with using his hand or with reverse cowgirl position. He goes to the gym and lifts a lot of very heavy weights, often. Could these things be contributing factors? He says he has had this problem before in a couple of other relationships and it comes and goes, but this time it feels different. He can't even seem to get morning wood anymore. We usually end up having sex after very intense discussions, I have been thinking that there is something in his brain that triggers the need for sex after such discussions, but perhaps that's illogical. We have a great relationship otherwise, and he always makes sure that he gets his days off when I have mine. He still cuddles and kisses me often, and is very loving. The main problem is, he refuses to see a doctor or shrink whatsoever due to bad experiences as a child/teenager. I am so worried for him and the health of our relationship, even though it's great, it could be better if we could have a closer to normal sex like! He says it bothers him too, and he wants to have sex but he just doesn't feel horny. He has told me numerous times that it has nothing to do with me but i keep thinking it must do. Please reply if you have any suggestions or help! Feel free to ask about more...

Re: Boyfriend sex problems!

PostPosted: Sat Oct 24, 2015 1:59 pm
by snail
Welcome to ProblemPages Miss B :)

I have kept both the posts you have made and merged them into one thread, as each one gives slightly different information and so it may be useful to have both.

Re: Boyfriend sex problems!

PostPosted: Sat Oct 24, 2015 2:16 pm
by Mrconfused74
You say he goes to the gym and lifts heavy weights, is he taking supplements of any kind as this could affect things. Not getting morning wood in itself isn't a bad thing, but if he's finding it difficult to get aroused when being intimate with you, that is. It's natural to be concerned that he's not attracted to you, but if he wasn't there would be other signs. The fact he can only cum from his hand or reverse cowgirl could mean something. Our past affects us in lots of ways, and this could be one, as well as the fact he gets more aroused when u argue or as you say have a discussion.
Sometimes we put to much emphasise on intercourse and forget about the other things, oral, masturbation etc. it could well be the pressure to perform that affects him, so try other things, without it leading to intercourse. His reluctance to see a doctor could be from a previous experience, or it could be embarrassment? Have you thought about counselling with someone that deals in sex problems! You could go alone at first see what they say, and then perhaps asking your partner along, the fact he won't be examined might help, but guys don't like thinking they are a failure in this respect. He may be as frustrated as you, but you might need to do the work to help him.

Re: Boyfriend sex problems!

PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2015 11:54 am
by David020549
Is he a serious body builder?, normal supplements shouldn't affect his sex drive but hormones and steroids will, that is well known. Working out a lot will also tire him out and that is bound to reduce desire but as there was no problem at the start of your relationship I can't think that a physical issue is the problem.
My best guess is that he is using all his energy at the gym and is too tired to bother but check what supplements he is taking.

Re: Boyfriend sex problems!

PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 1:04 pm
by TDR35
He's looking at porn behind your back? This would reduce his desire for you over time, its very destructive to relationships.