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PostPosted: Sun Nov 08, 2015 6:50 pm
by Serenlas
The poster has removed

Re: Taboo

PostPosted: Sun Nov 08, 2015 11:49 pm
by Tarantula
Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not as bad as you think it is.

Ok ok so you've made a bit of a tit of yourself when drunk. We've all been there! Obviously it WAS inappropriate and dumb, but, LIFE GOES ON. In the grand scheme of things, what you've done isn't that much of a big deal.

This is the kind of thing where, the more energy you throw at it, the worse it becomes. Like squeezing a spot and it only gets bigger.

So my advice is, don't message him, I can guarantee he is NOT thinking about this as much as you are. He probably had a bit of a private ego boost inside his own mind about it and then forgot about it, that's it. Possibly writing you off as a bit unhinged when drunk, but what he thinks of you isn't really your concern.

If you contact him, it'll just give him the impression that it REALLY IS a BIG DEAL and you may manage to convince him that it is!! You don't want that. Probably you would be contacting him to try and assert some control over your dignity in the situation; but what's done is done, and by bringing it up, you'll only be bringing his attention straight back to it.

Sometimes, the more you show a vulnerability about something, the more you get judged for it. So, stiff upper lip, please. And it really isn't that bad anyway.

Just learn from it now. You're clearly self-aware enough to see the bigger picture and you know what you need to do and what the deeper issues are that caused this behaviour.

I totally recommend a book called 'the man diet' by zoe strimpel, despite the cheesy title it's actually very well researched and suggests some bottom-line rules for how to set healthy boundaries in your love life, including a whole section on cutting down booze and not entertaining no-strings-attached sex. I think it will make you feel determined to up your game and stop making the same mistakes.

At the same time... honestly... it really isn't that bad! It's okay, you're okay! :)

Re: Taboo

PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 9:10 am
by Mrconfused74
You say that most of what you do you hate about yourself is done when drunk?
So there is the problem, you need to get this under control. Whilst we think drinking can help us forget or feel better, it can also as you've seen make things worse. If you don't think you'll be able to do it yourself, then get help to do so. You need to be able to drink in morderation, so that you are aware of what you're doing to the extent that yo can stop it going further. I think once this is under control, you can then look at the other areas of your life that make you do and feel the way you do. And whilst I agree with most of what Tarantula says, books can only help if you have the mental strength to put into practice what you read.

Re: Taboo

PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:02 pm
by Serenlas
This post has been removed

Re: Taboo

PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 10:34 pm
by Tarantula
And you will!

You already know what you need to do, which is vital. You know this ain't how you wanna be. So, learn from this, and start taking those hard steps. It'll be worth it in the long run, when you're paid off with a greater sense of dignity, self respect, esteem, social confidence and - eventually - a healthy new love interest.

I have complete faith in you!

Re: Taboo

PostPosted: Mon Nov 09, 2015 11:08 pm
by Serenlas
Tatantula, your advise was great, and very appreciated, and thanks for the vote of confidence, means a lot. Have not been able to talk about this to anyone, feel better and not so alone for getting off my chest Yes I have to make big changes, am determined to. Have a great evening and I hope all is good in your world xxx