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Ex Girlfriend in a New Relationship

PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:00 pm
by TopCat
Looking for advice on a tricky situation..

So I'd been with my girlfriend for 3 years and 7 weeks ago it got too much. I decided we should go on a break. She took this as the relationship was over, so we both decided we should mutually end the relationship. I gave her space and didn't post anything on social media. She called me the day after and I said "I think I have fallen out of love with you.." After that we didn't contact each other for 2 weeks. We then decide to meet up and talk about things, this is when she drops the bomb and says she's slept with 2 people and she's seeing a guy. This has now turned out to be the new relationship.

This past 5 weeks have been hell for me and I regret the way I handled things when we broke up. We've been on and off with contact since (sometimes both emotional, other times arguing). So what happens now? Has she really moved on so quick after a 3 year relationship? Should I just drop it and never talk to her again? I've made all the classic mistakes such as begging her back, breaking no contact, checking her fb.. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Re: Ex Girlfriend in a New Relationship

PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 10:57 am
by Mrconfused74
First of all stop checking her Facebook, you'll just end up doing it everyday and it won't help. Better still block her so nothing shows. Secondly stop contact all together, if she can move on this quick after 3 years I'd be asking why? Had she fallen out of love with you long before? Had she already met this guy and was looking for a way out? Which you have her. We always remember the good times in relationships when they end, but they ended for a reason. By her telling you she fell out of love, means she has come to terms with it. Now you need to, what do you hope to achieve by keeping contact? Maybe she'll realise she's made a mistake and come back? No it's over, accept It, move on like she has.

Re: Ex Girlfriend in a New Relationship

PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:38 am
by TopCat
Thanks for the reply.

No I told her I had fallen out of love with her. Things happened in the relationship where she would go mad at me for the smallest thing. Then we'd patch things up and everything was ok. But it got to a point where it kept happening and I felt as though she was pushing me away. When I did confront her and say we need to go on a break she was shocked/surprised. Then said no we need to end this.

Next day she's calling me for closure? My head was all over the place and I needed space. Like I've already said, she's now in a new relationship so quickly and I'm left here feeling numb. I've spent time with friends, enjoyed nights out and tried the online dating scene again, but I'm not a typical "lad" bloke who just sleeps with loads of women to get over things. What I really want? I wanted to sit down and talk things through with her and work it all out. We have so much in common and I let the small things get in the way of the bigger picture. Now I feel like I've been thrown away and forgotten about. That hurts.

Re: Ex Girlfriend in a New Relationship

PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:13 pm
by Mrconfused74
Ok, you sit down with her and sort it out, can you get over the fact she's slept with someone else? It does hurt when you split up, but she's moved on, regardless of the fact as to whether she's with someone to spite you, or because she has feelings for him, it's over. You don't have to sleep with other women to get over it. But if you're looking for a relationship it's possible you are coming across desperate to women. See your mates get out, just talk to women, without thinking you need it to go somewhere.

Re: Ex Girlfriend in a New Relationship

PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 6:31 pm
by Tarantula
Wow, that escalated quickly.

I think that after a split, when one or both start sleeping with others, then it really has to be over, I mean, you COULD get back together but how could it be the same, knowing that she's done that?

Btw she isn't over you. You can't get over three years of stuff that quickly, UNLESS she was already in the process of moving on emotionally whilst still in the relationship OR this new guy of hers is treating her so well that she really has no reason to think of you, or miss you.

But the chances are he isn't a special snowflake and she's just numbing herself to the loss by finding a quick and easy replacement. You are probably not that easily forgettable unless, as I say, the feelings died a long time ago and you were both just waiting for it to be over. Then maybe.

So it took her two weeks to sleep with two guys AND start seeing someone? Yeah, it really doesn't sound like she's elevated her situation. She's just acting out because you rejected her and her ego couldn't stand it, and probably relished telling you about her other guys as payback. Brutal but I reckon that's likely, unfortunately.

I mean, why even meet you if she's seeing someone else? That doesn't sound like solidarity to me. What's to discuss, by that stage? What needs to be said that couldn't just be in an email at most?

Chances are her new relationship won't last, but that's enough about her.

You need to go No Contact and focus on moving on in your own time and your own - probably healthier - way. Remind yourself of the reasons you dumped her in the first place. And in future, don't talk break or breakup unless you are seriously prepared to not see this person again, and seriously prepared to know that they've gone with somebody else.

I predict she will try to come back, or test the waters soon. But I say, it's dead and buried, mostly by the fact that she's gone so far as to sleep with others. By that point it doesn't matter who said what or who dumped who. She went with someone else. If you take her back, you'll just be opening yourself up to a whole heap of rubbish.