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post break-up advice please

PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:23 pm
by icklacknok
Hi. Would love some advice please. My partner finished our relationship about three months ago - said she just didn't want to be in a relationship, with me or anyone else. I feel a lot of why she doesn't want to be with me is because she is insecure and afraid that I won't stick around. We have a young child together and she also has three other children from a previous relationship. I have spent the last three months calling/texting her regularly, popping round unannouced and, to be honest, probably pleading/begging with her that this can work out and we can make this work.

A part of me is convinced she is seeing someone else, or has feelings for someone else or just wants to be unattached and have no strings fun. I've been totally consumed with thinking about her, what she's up to, how she feels about me, etc, etc. She said she felt like I was stalking her on facebook and this is partly true - I find myself continually looking to see if she's added new friends and checking her status updates.

A few friends and family have said I need to just back off and only text her to ask about our child and to arrange pick up and drop off arrangements for the weekends I look after our daughter. I really would like some advice on what to do? Do I back off completely and not call or text? Do I block/unfriend her on facebook? Won't this just give her the impression that I am no longer interested?

Re: post break-up advice please

PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:02 am
by Mrconfused74
Yes you block her on Facebook, she's made a decision and you need to accept it. Your main focus is your child and that is who you should concentrate on. If it's easier get a family member to contact her to arrange collection. Tell your ex that you realise your actions could be seen as wrong so it best that someone else contact her to arrange seeing your child.
Don't think having a child may make her change her mind, and don't use the child as a way of just seeing her. Build a relationship with your child, and move on from your ex, regardless of if she is with someone or not it's no longer your main focus, your child is.

Re: post break-up advice please

PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:23 pm
by icklacknok
Thanks for your reply. I know she has made that decision but I can't help thinking that she might feel differently in a month or two. She has done this before - saying she wants to end it and then we get back together, so I guess I am thinking/hoping that she changes her mind again.

Re: post break-up advice please

PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 3:04 pm
by Mrconfused74
So in a month or so she changes her mind, things are ok then it happens again! Do you really want to take that risk? Then go through it all again. Accept it and move on.

Re: post break-up advice please

PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:37 pm
by rufio89
I dont want to sound too harsh but honestly I just read this imagining how much more sympathetic I'd be from the other side:

You're calling/texting her incessantly months later, turning up at her house uninvited and obsessively checking her facebook etc?

I know it's hard breaking up with someone and I can only imagine how much more difficult it is with a child in the picture, but you need to back off and leave her alone. If she decides she wants to give it a go again in the future, and you're still in the same place, then great, but what you're doing sounds like borderline harassment and you need to back off and start putting your kid in the priority seat again.

Re: post break-up advice please

PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 7:32 pm
by johnay
This sounds like a very unhappy ending to your relationship. You state that some friends and family have advised you to back off and to concentrate on your child. They will know you best and they will know the situation a lot better than us so i would advise you to listen very carefully to THEIR sure those folks love you a lot and want the best for you, both they and your child need you in a good place now.. I would try and take yourself right out of her life right now apart from dealing with your child. That will help you move on and it will make her realise what she has lost.. If you hassle her it could really jeopardise the relationship you both will have to develop for dealing with being separated parents. Your child deserves that relationship to work as well as possible..