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Re: New guy problems

PostPosted: Wed Feb 10, 2016 2:58 pm
by Minna
Hi Tarantula. SO PLEASED that things have smoothed out for you both - what great news!

You are a lucky girl to have found such a caring, lovely man (and I'm sure he would say that he is a lucky guy to have found someone as gorgeous and caring as you!).

Good luck as you grow old together!! xx

PostPosted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 7:06 am
by Tarantula
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Re: New guy problems

PostPosted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:38 am
by Mrconfused74
Firstly he had history with these people, he was after all married and part of the family, and those sorts of things are hard to break. Just because he's divorced doesn't mean he has to lose all contact with people he's known a long time. If it had been a gf I'd understand, I think you over reacted, and think under the circumstances you should apologise and say you realise you can't just walk away after that long. It's difficult when you fall for someone that's been married they can have a lot more history than other people, but what you should be thinking is that he's with me now, and it's time for us to build history of our own.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 5:42 pm
by Tarantula
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Re: New guy problems

PostPosted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 5:59 pm
by Mrconfused74
Everyone has history, there is no getting away from it, granted his is fresher but you knew that when you got with him, so you were aware that the break hadn't been made completely. So you need to accept that at least for a while he will have ties to his wife and family. hard as it is you need to think before something that is winding you up or getting you angry otherwise you risk driving them away, I know it's not easy but it's possible, you need to just notice the signs that make you not trust him and try to combat them before it gets too far .

Re: New guy problems

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 9:53 am
by levelheadedlady
Tarantula I can see you are an all or nothing kind of person. Much the same as me, very similar to how I felt in my younger days when I first met my husband of now almost 30 years. We are so different. Chalk and cheese. I just didn't get this relaxed and reasonable guy.

Your guy clearly wants to handle this in his own way. Step back and let him. It's no threat to you, he is with you because he wants to be. You know, every time you blow up about this he may see it as a strop or interference. He may decide that next time he needs to meet, or sort out a practical issue with his ex or ex's family, he will keep it from you, and I'm sure you would rather know about that. (Happened to me so am speaking from experience!)

The fact that he is now flaring back at you clearly shows that he needs to be able to deal with these matters in his own way. Fair enough, it's his past life and only he can decide how to deal with that. He can mentally close the door on it in the way that suits him and the way he likes to handle things. We all do things differently to the next person. There is no wrong or right way, just each individual's way. Appreciate his approach, which so far sounds sensible to me. Trust him to get it right and close the matter in the way that suits him best, leaving him free to enjoy the rest of his life with you.