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Anyone else had this behaviour?

PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 2:04 pm
by Secretuk
I hope I don't go on too much. Just need some advice. I'm a 37 year old male who has been in a relationship with a 35 year old woman who I love very much for about 4 years. I suffer from anxiety which I've had since childhood and so things you go through as a teen etc has happened much latter for me. Eg relationships etc etc. My partner sufferers from depression. I live in a nice flat rented. My dad in his 70s lives with me because he has no money. But this is soon to change as he will be moving in with my brother who has a lovely flat on his house. My girlfriend has her own flat. Her family live up north, while mine live in the same city as me (we are a close family) I work for a charity and this is how we first met. She started voluntety work with us and me and her just clicked. We kind of sensed we both had issues and we started to see each other and date etc. She met my friends and they liked her and soon she became a part of our little group. I met her friends and they were lovely. The only difference is that her friends live around the country, so she only sees them a few times a year because it's hard to organise them all being off on the same day.

Things between us were great at first, she stared to run charity's Facebook page taking over from someone who had worked hard to get 1000s of likes etc. The first I noticed something wasn't right was I phoned her from work to see how she was and although I knew she was on the other end, she couldn't talk. I couldn't get anything out of her and she only said that she needed to be on her own. Being worried I drove round. And having key to her flat let myself in. She was sitting in a dark room reading (she loves books) I sat down and tried to talk to her.....then she went ballistic! She was screaming and shouting about how I should leave her alone. This made me anxious as in all my 37 years on earth, no one had ever screamed at me like this....ever.

I then noticed that she would start to get a bit funny with my friends over really silly little things. And started to do the same with people at her work. She would massively overreact to any criticism or anything she felt wasn't right. I found out she had been through many jobs and when I asked things, she would always say she left a job because of bullying or other reasons and that it was always someone else's fault. My friends started to see a different side to her but tried not to say anything because they were happy for me. But it just got worse and they stsrted to say to me that she wasn't right. To cut a long story short, she seems to fall out with a hell of a lot of people mainly because of her completely overreacting to things. She stared to fall out with people over the charity's Facebook page. It wasn't all her, we some busy bodies who interfere, but again her overreacting made a normal problem into a huge problem.

And then one day, something happened at my work which was pretty bad. A freak accident which resulted in a tragedy. It was no ones fault, just a freak accident. I of course was very sad and confided in my girlfriend. But unfortunately she was so shocked about it, that a week later again after falling out with someone at my work, she posted what happened on to the Facebook page for all the public to see :cry: I was off that day and my phone started going off because people at work and friends had seen this and was trying to warm me. I phoned my girlfriend and told her to remove it which she did. But it was too late. I was saddened that she hadn't thought what the impact would be on her and on me. I was dragged in to my manager, but was very lucky as I have a good record and they knew that my girlfriend was to blame. She was banned from my work, my friends wanted nothing more to do with her. And yet she still even now thinks what she did was ok. She even deleted the page rather than hand it over to someone else. Meaning the whole page and all the 1000s of followers were lost. She has since now left her job having had enough and saying people are bullying her.

I love this girl, I wanted a future with her, but she can't see that her overreacting all the time is ruining her life. She wants a baby, but now I'm not sure and it's killing me inside! She's been on meds, but stops them and then starts again. I never know what's going on. Has anyone else ever had anything like this? I'm now on the verge of calling it a day, but I love her and although the 4 years has been a roller coaster, she's become such a part of me. Even tho my I don't reall see my friends now. And even my family think I'm mad. But they don't see the good in her, when she is relaxed, when everything is fine, the girlfriend I love is there. I'm I mad? Has anyone else ever encountered this sort of behaviour? I'm so sorry I have gone on. Thank you ](*,)

Re: Anyone else had this behaviour?

PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 3:55 pm
by Mrconfused74
First of all do not have a baby with her!!!!

There is clearly something wrong, and she doesn't seem to want to admit it, and until she does there will be no helping her. Are the meds she take for a form of depression! Is she better when she's in them? Or off them? Is she seeing a therapist or doctor? If so maybe letting them know about her behaviour could help when She nexts see them. As for your friends you need to keep them on side, they will be there long after any partner and you will need them. So don't alienate them, you can still see them without her and if she doesn't like this then be firm and tell her, you will see them but also spend time with her, if she can't accept this then walk away. The only way she could change is to accept she has a problem, you can tell her she has changed, ask her what upsets her, and what makes her kick off? If she won't talk she can't be helped.

Re: Anyone else had this behaviour?

PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 4:19 pm
by snail
Secret, I noticed that your problem was quite similar to another problem that was posted on here six months ago - this one here:
Are you the same person as this poster? It's not a problem, but if this is the same people then the extra information in that thread is useful. Also I don't know if you knew how to find your first thread and read the replies.

Your girlfriend seems very immature. Her wanting a baby is probably more to do with her worrying about her biological age, than about really wanting to build a happy family. As others have said, I wouldn't do it, at least not now. There is still time for her, and at the moment the situation and the people involved are not at all suitable.

I suppose there are two options. The practical option, which someone who cared for you would recommend, would be that you end the relationship and find someone who doesn't make life so difficult for you and who is in fact able to support you yourself when you need it, instead of constantly causing you more problems. The other option is that you accept that this will be a very stressful and tiring relationship, where you will have to provide all the support and you will be solving problems a lot of the time. Only you know if staying with her is worth that to you.

Re: Anyone else had this behaviour?

PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 4:48 pm
by Secretuk
Thank you for both replying. It's a very different thing when you love someone so much. I've never posted on a forum before, so definitely not me. I'm going to read the link tho, because if someone else is going through the same then it's worth a read! She knows she suffers from depression, but seems to find it hard to go to the doctors. Like its a weakness. The tablets she has are for depression. But I don't know when she takes them or if she does. She won't really talk about that stuff. It's very hard.

Re: Anyone else had this behaviour?

PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 4:51 pm
by Secretuk
Wow I have just read that link and this is very similar to the situation I find myself in!! I will reply to that link and see if they are still active here. At least it's not just me I guess. :(