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Cheated on 3 times, 3 different girls.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 1:02 pm
by Jessica177
My boyfriend & I have been together since November 2014. We've had a lot of ups and downs and he struggles with cocaine addiction, he is now seeking help and counselling for this addiction. During our time together he has lied consistently about his drug use and also his infidelity. When we first met he said he hated cheats and he would never cheat on someone.

Six months into our relationship he went out one night then came back to our flat. His phone was ringing during the night and I got up to put it on silent only to find he had texts from a girl. I messaged her asking "didn't I tell you I live with my girlfriend?" her reply "I told you I wouldn't get with you if you had a girlfriend" I asked him about the texts in the morning and he said "it must have been one of my friends using my phone" after weeks of me asking him to tell the truth he did, saying he was on drugs, drunk and it was a mistake, "it will never happen again". He says he didn't do anything, just denied he had a girlfriend and asked for her number.

A month later, we had had an argument and hadn't spoken for about a week. I then got in touch with him and made the first move to apologise and get things back to normal, I said "we can treat this as us being broken up if anythings happened you can tell me." I told him I had met a boy at a bar during this time and given him my number, days later I text that boy saying I wasn't ready for anything and was very much in love with my boyfriend. My boyfriend swore he hadn't done anything wrong. We moved into a new flat together and things were PERFECT. I had never been happier. About a month went by and I knew something was wrong with me, I needed to go to the bathroom all the time, there was a SMELL 'down there' which had never been there before. I confronted him "Are you sure you haven't slept with someone else?" his reply "I promise I haven't, 100% I haven't" I told him I was showing symptoms of having a chlamydia infection and still he said he hadn't done anything. By this point I knew he was lying. I know my body. Same thing happened as before, I pushed and pushed and pushed until he finally admitted "fine. I have slept with someone. fine." this broke me, I literally couldn't have felt more worthless. and still it affects me. He swore this would never happen again and he thought we weren't going to be together because we hadn't spoken. I finished the relationship. He messaged me constantly and begged for my forgiveness, less than a week later I had forgiven him and gave him another chance. He swore it would never happen again.

December 22nd 2015: he went for a drink with his friend on a Tuesday, I text "don't get too drunk.." as when he drinks he is more likely to give into his cocaine addiction. This turned into a huge thing resulting in him not coming home until Christmas morning. Drunk and on drugs. I had pleaded with him asking him to come home. He blamed him staying out 22nd - 25th on me and that it was my fault for him spending all his money. I then had to lend him money to pay his rent. He had makeup on his tshirt, I asked "who have you been with, why is there makeup on your shirt" he said he was with his gay male friend, "I dunno Ally probably wears makeup" like an idiot I believed him, only to find messages from a girl on facebook and on his phone. He then changed his story that him and Ally were in John's and that John must have been using his phone to message this girl but he left John's because he knew I wouldn't want him to be around girls. "As soon as they came up we left" again, after DRAGGING the truth out I messaged this girl who told me "I didn't even know you existed, he denied he had a girlfriend" finally my boyfriend admitted he was with this girl for about an hour, she asked for his number and he gave her it. I still don't know why or how makeup ended up on his shirt. He says nothing happened, didn't even kiss her. Said nothing like this would ever happen again.

My main problem is his lies. I don't see the need for someone to lie, I would tell the truth no matter how brutal it is. He says he lies because he doesn't want to hurt me. Obviously being lied to hurts more than someone being honest with you, everyone knows that. I have been lied to every single day, he's looked me in the eye and lied to me, slept with me and lied to me, told me he would never lie to me WHILST LYING TO ME?!

What am I supposed to do? Is this my fault? Can people change?

Any help would be really appreciated.

Re: Cheated on 3 times, 3 different girls.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 2:23 pm
by David020549
This guy is only going to cause you heartache, he is a drug addict a drunk a liar and a cheat how many reasons do you need to dump him. He will spend all his own money on addictions he will steal yours and anything else he thinks he can get away with, don't listen to excuses.
Think on this - when you cannot buy food or pay the rent he will expect you to earn more ANY way you can, you will be surprised how many girls do just that.

Re: Cheated on 3 times, 3 different girls.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2016 1:21 pm
by Leigh72
Seconded! Unless your man is ready to take ownership of his behaviour, then he will never change. As long as you continue to forgive, bail him out etc, he has no motivation to change. People can change, but ONLY WHEN/IF THEY WANT TO.

Re: Cheated on 3 times, 3 different girls.

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 3:09 pm
by spacegirl
This is a sad story Jessica I'm very sorry you are in this position as it sounds like you love him in spite of everything. That said, I think you have to let him go. He is repeating his behaviour with no regard to you and your feelings and is continuing to abuse your trust knowing he can convince you to give him another chance. The fact that he passed you an STD also shows absolutely no regard for you or even the girls he is sleeping around with, as he is having unprotected sex. I hate to say this and it probably will not be what you want to hear, but you say he has cheated three times. The three times that you happened to find out, goodness knows how many other times he has done this without you finding out.

It is tough he has an addiction and I appreciate you want to support him through this and see him get better. However from your post it seems he isn't exactly committed to helping himself, and he is not showing you due respect in order to deserve your support.

Ditch him and find someone who will respect and value you.