Is Loneliness off putting?

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Is Loneliness off putting?

Postby Mrconfused74 » Sat Jan 16, 2016 5:35 pm

Does being lonely, and therefore more prone to be over thinking others behaviour towards you dangerous?
Do you run the risk of believing something is real, but in reality just isn't there? Do women that see this prey on these guys as purely an ego boost, a way of making themselves feel more attractive and wanted, or is it all in the mind if the one that's lonely.
Clearly this has happened to me a lot, I cling to the smallest of things and hope that it's enough to make it work. But why is it only with women that are seemingly out of reach, or attached that it happens with. I've been hurt a lot and been through enough troubles to outwardly be strong confident and in control, but inside I'm a train wreck of emotion. If only people could be more honest with their feelings surely less people would get hurt or emotionally scarred.
Not sure if this a question, statement or cry for help? Thoughts? .......
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Re: Is Loneliness off putting?

Postby Leigh72 » Thu Feb 11, 2016 1:09 pm

In answer to your headline, I would say yes, it is off-putting. I am in a similar position, I have been hurt monumentally by women over the years and I know how tempting it is to cling onto the faintest thread of hope or positivity. When you're in the situation of wanting to believe that something is real, try and look at your own emotions at that point. Is there any evidence to suggest that you need to be cautious or does all the evidence point to the fact that it is true, it is real and you're as safe as can be expected in believing that it's true? You wont always get it right and you'll always be at the mercy of the vagaries of the human condition!

The fact is, to show that you're lonely and to perhaps come across as desperate and clingy is hugely off-putting. A lot of it is social conditioning. You're right that the world would be a much better place if people were honest with their emotions, but the fact is that people, generally, are not particularly self aware and/or are unable to verbalise their feelings. I am blessed/cursed with quite strong powers of insight and can often see things in people that they cannot or will not see for themselves. Therefore it can be hugely frustrating for me to know what a problem is, see the solution and not be able to do anything about it as the other person is in denial.

What would be more productive would be for you to be less analytical of others behaviour and actually have a look at yourself. See where you have been hurt in the past, what has led to that, and use that as a learning exercise to work out what it is you need from a partner. In so doing, you would be better able to spot the signs of behaviour that you can't put up with early on and be able to avoid becoming attached to the wrong people. For me, I'm a communicator, so if a new partner deals with stress/problems by shutting down and internalising, then I know that, long term, it isn't going to be for me.

You have to accept that people aren't as self aware as you may be and, unfortunately, live with this fact and only seek out those who are able to be honest and open with their feelings.
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