Lost & confused

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Lost & confused

Postby Mjb1993 » Sun Jan 17, 2016 3:07 pm

I apologise in advance if this turns into a rant I will do my best to not make it sound confusing or go off on a rant.

Me (22) and my girlfriend (21) have been together 5 years next month. We have a son together who is 2 in May. We have never had that perfect, inseparable relationship and it has been very rough at times. But we have been extremely happy together and we would both say we are in love.

The thing is for about a year I have not been extremely happy, I moved in with my girlfriend just before my son was born and we do not live alone. There are 6 adults and my son in our little 3 bedroom house, and as you would expect it's definitely not easy. I work full time, she works part time meaning her mum babysits for us while we work.

As my son is now approaching 2 years old it is about time we moved out and got our own place and our son got his own room as he is currently in our room, preferably near some good schools and nice people for my son to grow up around. We are currently in Grays. Not exactly the ideal place. The big problem is that we are stuck here. You're probably asking why?

The big problem is that my girlfriend has horses, 4 in total, that she shares with her mum. It is a huge drain on our finances to the point savings are impossible to have, this making getting our own place impossible unless we seek help from the council, housing association etc. That means it is very likely we would be housed in a council estate in Grays. Definitely not an ideal place for my son to grow up in. Why are we stuck with Grays? Because that's where the horses are, which she refuses to get rid of as "they were there before you", yes she's told me that numerous times.

Another big problem with the horses with worries me even more is the ability to tend to them every day, my girlfriend and her mum both suffer with arthritis and her mum also has fibromyalgia, this makes things near on impossible on occasion and it is only getting worse with age. Again they refuse to give it all up. So my worry is, is mum going to get to the point she can't physically do it anymore and just lumber us with all 4, which will mean girlfriend won't be able to work as she will have son and now 4 horses, putting even more financial pressure on me to not only provide for my family but also the horses.

I am now getting to the point where I don't want to live with her here in this house with everyone else, or if we had our own place. I have now given up with any support to do with the horses, in a way hoping it will make her realise she can't physically do it on her own. (At the moment I do the things she can't). I can't seem to get into her head that horses are draining us financially and making it impossible to move out, especially to a nicer, cheaper and more suitable area for our son.

This is why I am incredibly lost and stuck. Do I leave? I can't, not only does she struggle with the horses but sometimes due to the arthritis she can't even pick my son up let alone carry him downstairs in the morning or put him into a bath. in recent discussions I have been told I would only get him every other weekend (he would stay with her as I work full time). And if I leave, my girlfriend will definitely have no chance of moving out meaning my son will still live in Grays sharing a bedroom with his mum.

The situation is seriously dragging me down and I am always trying to go and see family or friends to get some fresh air so to speak. If we spend too long in eachothers company it just sends us mad and the smallest things will cause us to argue or be annoyed at one another. I don't want to leave them and be happy elsewhere knowing my son is where he is an I only get to see him properly for 2 days a fortnight and on the other hand I don't want to sit here enjoying being with my son but watching me and my girlfriend tearing eachother apart and watching her and the horses tear not only our lives apart but also the relationships her and her mum have and also between them and the rest of the family. There must be some way out, some way I can open her eyes and see what it's doing and if not live a happy life together, at least do what is best for our son to give him the best chance of a happy, successful life
Mjb1993
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Re: Lost & confused

Postby David020549 » Sun Jan 17, 2016 11:33 pm

Getting a girl away from her mother is not an uncommon problem add on animals that need looking after and it becomes very difficult, if you force her to choose, mum and the animals are going to win because they need her you don't. The money you contribute won't matter they will manage somehow, or so they think, maybe the family has money stashed away somewhere, you can never tell and you would be the last one to be told.
You are the outsider in their cozy lifestyle, it is much more usual for the girl to follow her man, here the roles are reversed, in this case I dont see a compromise, either you accept their terms or leave. If you leave make it as amicable as possible for trial period at first and see what happens, she may want to get back together in a month or two, that is the time to make any changes.
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