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Female friend

PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 9:02 pm
by Mrconfused74
A number of months ago I wrote because I was confused about a female friends behaviour, was she flirting or being friendly or just looking for an ego boost?
We talked a lot nearly everyday, she has a bf but never seemed happy in the relationship, she would ask me for coffee and we'd chat for ages, even spent a morning out together.

Then the contact became less, wasn't sure if this was because her bf was getting suspicious, she no longer needed the ego boost or she thought I just wasn't going to make a move. So we hardly talked for months, just waved or smiled in passing.

Skip forward to today, she parks up as usual, and instead of sitting in her car comes over and stands by my window, I ask if she wants to get in as its cold and she does. Now to me this is out of the blue. So is she unhappy again, is she thinking that I've not ignored her completely so may still be interested, or does she really just need a friend that listens, as I always use to do? We talked for a while, yes she's feeling down again so maybe it's an ego boost, maybe it's a friendly ear! But why me? And why now after all this time? Do women need ego boosts? Especially ones that could get any guy like her?

Re: Female friend

PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 9:12 pm
by johnay
I think that some women just prefer to have a man to off load with as sometimes as they are often felt as being more discreet.. You strike me as being a very " safe man" as she has previously found you to be a good listener and someone who has not come on to her or tried to take advantage of her when she's obviously having some problems with her boyfriend. Take it as a compliment that she feels comfortable to be able to come to you with her problems and she values your friendship.

Re: Female friend

PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2016 9:16 pm
by Mrconfused74
Thanks, you know I'd think that if there hadn't been such a big break in our friendship especially when I knew she was having a tough time, but I can see your point.

Re: Female friend

PostPosted: Fri Feb 12, 2016 2:51 pm
by Minna
Speaking as a woman, I would agree entirely with johnay's comments. You are a good friend to 'car woman', with a 'listening ear' which she appreciates - women can talk to their friends about their problems (and they do) but she obviously values having a man's perspective on her situation. Also, she knows that you fancy her (just call it a woman's intuition), which must be a nice ego boost for her when she is having problems with the boyfriend.
Believe me, most women value men who will honestly listen to them, over men with a handsome face but no empathy (not saying that you aren't handsome, but you know what I mean). So, you never know what might happen - she could find love with you.
On the other hand, however, it could be that she has no intention of leaving her boyfriend but just enjoys the ego boost of being in the company of someone who fancies her, listening to her troubles.
I suspect that it might be the latter, but its impossible to tell really.
So, I would say, don't wait forever to see what develops with her. Drop her importance down a notch and busy yourself with finding a girlfriend.

Good luck!

Re: Female friend

PostPosted: Fri Feb 12, 2016 5:56 pm
by Mrconfused74
Thanks Minna, yes 'car woman' is or should I say was a good friend, but it's clear that she only comes to me when she needs something, be it a listening ear, or an ego boost, I just can't explain why I can't walk away. I mean there is another woman I know, we flirt outrageously with each other, and I know if I was to say 'let's do this' she would. She is hot too so it's not because she's unattractive but I just can't drop it with 'car woman' . Must be a case of wanting what you can't have?? I do wonder what would happen if I just told her how I feel, but do I want to be the guy that splits people up? Or is that what she's waiting for? Oh to be a mind reader

Re: Female friend

PostPosted: Fri Feb 12, 2016 6:39 pm
by johnay
Hey Mrconfused I think Minna is spot on with her advice and thoughts. As you say many of us men often really hanker after what we can't have and that might be why you can't seem to let the idea of being with car woman go. If you really can't move on then maybe you should lay your cards on the table but expect repercussions. You could end up being totally rebuffed by her or the catalyst for ending her current relationship. Starting a new relationship with someone on the rebound or just out of a relationship isn't to be recommended either if you think about it. Maybe you should look at this other lady and go for it. You don't seem the sort of guy who would be happy with yourself if you broke up someone's current relationship so I'd go with what is best for you conscience wise if I were you.

Re: Female friend

PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2016 9:12 pm
by Mrconfused74
Well it's been a few months, and I managed to break contact with her, say for the odd wave if I saw her.
Then again out of no where she comes over again, general chat and that, and this happened the next day too. Didn't think anything of it but as she mentioned wanting to lose weight but not wanting to join a gym I said maybe she could walk my dog ( jokingly but looking for a reaction ) and she said she would. But as she hadn't mentioned it again I never pushed it.
I did go over to her a few times and she mentioned she had rowed with her partner and he'd walked out but since came back. So I guessed her initial approach was down to being annoyed with him and perhaps looking for a ego boost as usual. Now I must add that I've not pushed any and have In fact moved on thinking from thinking something may happen. Then she came over and asked about coffee, I was working so couldn't and she did say that she would be alone ( her kids would be at school) so this did play on my mind.

I haven't let this get to me too much but just feels as if she is playing with my emotions a bit. No contact for a good few months then this in the space of a week. Does she think I've waited for her or is she just that low that she needs these confidence boosts, if she was happy it wouldn't be happening, so why stay with someone if your that miserable. Not sure there is a question in all this but just need to get it out.

Re: Female friend

PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 11:04 am
by Tarantula
Ego boost. Do not proceed.

Look, how unlikely is it that a story could start this way and end with the two of you laughing over this very thread in a couply haze in years to come about how foolish you both were to not want to make a clear move?

Yeah, that scenario is not happening. She has a boyfriend. If she wanted you, she would dump him and go for you. She KNOWS you like her. It''s a comfort whenever her main man ain't giving her attention.

I don't want to make you bitter, but don't hang around in the friend zone. She's just not that into you. It's not about whether she thinks you've 'waited for her' or not (why would you wait? What would you be waiting on? Nothing's happened between you!) - but she'd be surprised if you suddenly weren't available as a listening ear anymore.

I think you should pursue other options and stay clear of her and her situation - she is taken, after all, however miserably - it is still her choice.

Re: Female friend

PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 6:16 pm
by David020549
I don't remember you mentioning her kids before, that is most likely the anchor to her man, she probably wants more from him that he will or can give in whatever way, as you have been chatting for some time you probably are well versed in her problems.
You are well established as a friend, carry on being a friend if you want but don't bother asking for a date, she has plenty of complications without you adding to them, find a single girl that is not in a relationship. I am surprised how many women will talk openly about their relationships, personally it is a big turn off for me however attractive they are and although I'm happy to help a friend in whatever way I can it's definitely friend zone.

Re: Female friend

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 6:18 am
by Mrconfused74
The kids aren't his, in fact he doesn't really get on with them!

I totally get that after this time if something was going to happen it would, so it's just friends, but there are always little signs She gives or something she says that makes me think otherwise. I'm ok with just being friends, would I like more? Yes but you can't always have what you want, and I'm sure there are lots of people out there that are attracted to a friend but don't or can't do anything about it. So for now it's what it is, I just get that little bit confused sometimes when as I said she gives just the slightest sign.