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Husband embrassed about sex

PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 4:12 pm
by Forest4
Its been 6 months since myself and husband had sex, he admitted to being embrassed about not lasting very long and not being very good at it. Im 33 and him 36.

What can i do to make the sex life better and make him feel good about doing "it"?

Over the last 12 months I've tried ignoring the fact nothing is happening, tried romantic dinners, dressing up, candles, love texts and letters, even bught toys and items that was now 6 months ago.

When i try to talk to him he doesn't say much, just that its him not me. What can i do?

Could it be that i don't want kids and i know deep down he does... we spoke about this before getting married. Could he just not find me a turn on? Could Someone else be involved what don't know about?

Re: Husband embrassed about sex

PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 4:52 pm
by Mrconfused74
If he's not lasting very long then it could just be this! So buying toys may just make him feel inadequate. Perhaps you should concentrate on this first before introducing new things. Firstly you could make him cum during foreplay, then while he spends time on you, he will have time to recover and so last longer the second time around. You could let him make you orgasm through other means, oral etc, this way he can be assured that you have been satisfied and so feel less pressure about lasting longer to satisfy you. What you need to do is reassure him that you are satisfied, assuming you are, then he may relax more. As for the children bit, that is perhaps something you need to revisit with him, if he desperately wants children and you really don't then you have a decision to make together, you may grow to resent each other. So talk it over.

Re: Husband embrassed about sex

PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 7:19 pm
by Forest4
He has also bught toys in the past and pills. I have found if i get him to cum in foreplay "it" wont stay hard even giving it a good few hours, same when ever he cum's "it" just goes to sleep.

As for the kids he has always said I'm all he wants and if it ever did happen great if not doesn't matter, we have thought about adopting in a few years time. Im a full time athlete and he also works full time. I have considered that he could be tired but not on long weekends and holidays

Re: Husband embrassed about sex

PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 7:41 pm
by Mrconfused74
In that case I would suggest seeing a therapist that specialises in sexual problems. It's quite possible your husband won't want to go as he will feel embarrassed and not want to see it as a problem, which could well make the problem worse. However you could go initially to see them get advice and see what they say. It is possible he's under stress at work or feels anxious when having sex, especially if you plan it! But he just hasn't told you. Men are very sensitive when it comes to this issue and has to be treated carefully, so I'd get professional advice and go from there.

Re: Husband embrassed about sex

PostPosted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 5:39 pm
by David020549
This topic comes up regularly, maybe men do have a lower sex drive than a generation ago or maybe it is just talked about more, however there is nothing like self doubt to put a man off sex. I'm sure most guys have spells when they are not bothered often due to work stress, illness, money worries, anything really that distracts them including viewing too much porn or another woman.

I doubt that no kids is an issue, men don't have biological clocks my bet is that it is a confidence/self worth problem, you have tried all the obvious things so here are a few things to consider.
Do you "need" him to take care of you, or could you easily be independant, men like to feel wanted and needed it makes us feel good.
Are you a high earner, making much more than him, if he has a mundane routine job that might make him feel inadequate.
Do you share any common goal or take part in any activities together, both these will bring a couple much closer together.
You sound very confident, positive and good about yourself what is his personality like.

For counselling to work he will have to admit to a cause, that will not be easy and if the reason is low self worth, you will say you love him as he is, will it make a difference. Sorry there is no real answer and if it is just a low libido that little blue pills don't cure then there may not be one.

Re: Husband embrassed about sex

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 9:55 pm
by levelheadedlady
Hi Forest, just thinking if it's not due to tiredness, maybe it's stress related. Or a medical problem such as testosterone deficiency - which would account for not maintaining an erection, or maybe a thyroid problem. Try to persuade him to see his GP to rule out any possible medical causes. It also sounds like he is fearful of failing to perform, which would make him tense, and so it goes on.