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Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 12:09 am
by Dolly11
Hey
I started dating this guy a month ago, we have seen eachother a lot In this time and become really close, but over the past week I have had a horrible gut feeling something isn't right!
On Sunday I went round and his 'female friend' was round they have know eachother for years apparently and just mates anyway she left but it just didn't sit well with me, anyway I went round last night and she was there again! He said she's poorly and she went to sleep in his bed while we sat and watched a film, I left late and all I could think was, he has to go to bed and she will also be in the bed!!! Everything was running through my mind! It's upset me deeply and he's txt me an hour ago (haven't replied) he's round at hers she's really really ill! I'm so annoyed and upset. I have typed out a txt ready to end it!
Am I being crazy jealous or what? He tells me she's round and she's met me twice briefly, and tonight he could have lied and said he was home and not hers. But my heads all over!

Help

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 8:17 am
by David020549
If you expect to have him all to yourself, forget it, even if his story is true and she is ill, you won't be able to get it out of your head and always doubt him. If you let him talk his way out of this he will take it as carte blanche to do what he wants.

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 12:55 pm
by Mrconfused74
You said you'd rather he lied and told you he was alone and at his place! Now if he did and when you're next there and this girl is too and it gets mentioned, woul you feel more jealous and that angry that he lied to you? Or pleased that he tried to hide it???? Men can have female friends and not want to have sex with them, they can have female friends that they do fancy but she doesn't so they just remain friends. What you need to decide is whether you can trust him enough! If not and your jealousy gets the better of you the chances are you'll drive him away. So either accept it and get to know his friend maybe you'll hit it off with her, or leave him as eventually it'll destroy the relationship anyway.

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 2:27 pm
by Dolly11
I just can't speak to him yet as I'm so angry. But I really think I need to end it

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 4:05 pm
by Dolly11
Mrconfused74 wrote:You said you'd rather he lied and told you he was alone and at his place! Now if he did and when you're next there and this girl is too and it gets mentioned, woul you feel more jealous and that angry that he lied to you? Or pleased that he tried to hide it???? Men can have female friends and not want to have sex with them, they can have female friends that they do fancy but she doesn't so they just remain friends. What you need to decide is whether you can trust him enough! If not and your jealousy gets the better of you the chances are you'll drive him away. So either accept it and get to know his friend maybe you'll hit it off with her, or leave him as eventually it'll destroy the relationship anyway.


I didn't say I would rather he lie! If you read it

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 5:00 pm
by Mrconfused74
Sorry, he could've lied yes, but again would that have helped if you'd found out he lied? Or made you think the worse, the fact he told you means he didn't want to hide it. So in that sense he's being honest, but you seem set on finishing it so your mind seems made up. If it was me I'd ask if there was anything between them either now or in the past, if there isn't it could all be innocent, and you could be throwing it away over nothing. It's your choice.

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 6:54 pm
by Dolly11
Mrconfused74 wrote:Sorry, he could've lied yes, but again would that have helped if you'd found out he lied? Or made you think the worse, the fact he told you means he didn't want to hide it. So in that sense he's being honest, but you seem set on finishing it so your mind seems made up. If it was me I'd ask if there was anything between them either now or in the past, if there isn't it could all be innocent, and you could be throwing it away over nothing. It's your choice.


This is what I'm thinking, I haven't brought anything up to him yet. But I think what have I got to lose hey?
I asked if he was in later and he's not replied yet. Maybe it's a good time to bring it up?

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 8:15 pm
by Mrconfused74
Exactly, just ask and hopefully he'll open up and tell you! Either way you deserve to know then can decide what you want to do! Good luck

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 4:44 pm
by Minna
Hi Dolly. The question is that even if they have never been sexually involved, she remains a VERY close friend (I have several friends, but I can only count one or two really close ones where I would be confident to just crash out in their bed and be out of their company for however long, because I hadn't been feeling well!!).

They act like a loving brother and sister and your boyfriend appears to be happy to be there for her whenever she needs him. Even when he (and presumably she) knew you were visiting him, he did not put her off. Nor, for that matter, did she (or he) appear to think it odd that she should be there (in his bed!)when you arrived. She must have known what it looked like, even if he was perhaps too insensitive to realise. The bottom line is, she should not have been there.

So, she doesn't sound as if she is very concerned about your feelings. Come to think of it, he doesn't either ...

Perhaps it IS all innocent. But the thing is, even if it is innocent, she will always be there - it doesn't sound as if she is going anywhere in the future. Should you continue going out with this man, will you be happy living in what would, in effect, be almost a "threesome" relationship??

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:02 pm
by David020549
Minna's last paragraph sums it up nicely, even if it is innocent it would be a threesome and fall apart sooner or later.

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 11:34 am
by Tarantula
F that. Total boundary breach. Oh, the word 'fwends' - covers all manner of sins doesn't it?

I wouldn't be caught dead sharing my man's bed with another woman in any context bar family coming to visit.

This is way too weird, probably they've got something going on, and even if not, the whole thing, it's just flipping weird! Like, is there nowhere else she could go? The fact of how obvious it LOOKS should be enough for him to consider your obvious feelings and be like nah.

Now. Don't go in guns blazing, unless you want to go down in his history as the crazy one. Just arrange to meet him for coffee and calmly explain that you feel he's not respecting the relationship by having another woman in his bed, ill or not, and that - regardless of whether anything has happened sexually between them, it isn't the kind of thing you're looking for or willing to accept.

Then thanks him for the compliment of asking you out and leave, head held high.

Don't get caught up trying to justify WHY you ain't comfortable with it - if he can't see that (and he can't, or he wouldn't be doing it), that's his issue.

Poise and dignity at all times!! Don't be a victim in relation to this situation, just get down to brass tracks: this isn't good enough for you, so all you can do is wish him well and move on - rather than hang around trying to get your point across and change him, which will only make him resent you and think 'I'm glad to be rid of her!'

Your feelings are totally understandable and your point of view is justified. Now go find a man who won't put you in this awkward-af situation.