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Moving on after split

PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:07 pm
by Domus Clamantium

Not sure if this is the right place, however my 18 month relationship ended this week and I need some advice on moving forward and helping to fill the void that would otherwise be spent pining after my now ex....

Firstly, the relationship is definately over - I've accepted that - however I know that I need a few weeks/months of just worrying about me . The problem is, I don't have a huge circle of friends and no-one who I could consider a Best Friend - I do have one close female friend who I have been venting to, but I can't keep boring her with my self-pity.

This has not really bothered me before, as I enjoy my own company, however I'm 34 years old now and I really feel that I should be doing more - I have a good job and own my home, but I have no real experiences that I can share, or achievements that I can use to help me get into different social circles. I am extremely shy and socially awkward, and somewhat of an introvert, which means that I find meeting new people, especially on my own, very difficult - does anyone have any ideas or suggestions to help me get back out there?

Re: Moving on after split

PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:52 pm
by LongTallElly
Hey DC, so sorry to hear your relationship is over. You must be hurting. I wouldn’t worry so much about boring your friend, that is what friends are for, and it is only this week, so it is normal you need to talk! I was a lot like you when my relationship broke up, I am not really a sharer, didn’t want to bore people, felt embarrassed about my emotions, but I have found the strangest thing, namely that from my work colleagues to my neighbours, once I told them what had happened (I really had no choice, I ended up by myself with 2 kids so it was pretty obvious!), people started to take care of me, taking me out to dinner, coming round for a glass of wine that sort of thing, so my advice would be share a little bit and you might see something happening and build up some new friendships. I joined a choir, although I never thought I could hold a tune, and that has been fun and I have made some amazing friends through that. And finally, once you have given yourself some time, perhaps get on a dating website. You do not have to act on anything, but you will get some attention and messages, which is a great way to boost your confidence, and who knows! Stay strong, and just post some more if you need some support. X

Re: Moving on after split

PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2016 9:17 pm
by David020549
Very good advice from LTE, of course friends are important but don't dwell on your sorrow for too long, if they have an activity that appeals to you go along and join in. Now is the time to be positive, try a few new regular things, the local gym is good or swimming join and go several times a week at the same time of day, you will be amazed how quickly you fall into the new routine.

Re: Moving on after split

PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2016 12:37 am
by Akidma
There must be something you could enjoy. Maybe attending a local football match, or Green Bowling or the Chess Club. Look on the internet and search your local area for clubs which would suit. Then join one or two. Don't even think about making friends just join up then interact within the club. Friendships will be forged without trying. Just ask someone if they fancy a drink, game of pool or whatever to get it going, then go from there. Be natural and don't try too hard. Let friendships happen rather than try to make them happen. Keep attending the club and make several other friends too. Also I would advise that you avoid trying to make a relationship just yet because you are not ready for that. Let things heel before you even consider that, then when you are ready join an on-line dating club. It will cost you, but from what I glean from what you have said, you can afford it. When you do, take it very very very slow. Don't assume that you should be anyone you are not able to be; don't try to impress; just be you, be charming and be positive.
You will be fine