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What does he want??

PostPosted: Sat Mar 26, 2016 9:46 pm
by Physicistno4
Just after Christmas this year I met a guy who I was attracted to and got on well with. We both agreed we didn't want anything serious so we started a casual relationship. All was fine until I met a new guy who I started to develop real feelings for. I immediately ended the casual relationship. However, the new guy is good friends with the old guy and everyone on my course at uni found out about my "relationship". A lot of people have accused me of being a slut for having had such a casual relationship but their opinions don't concern me. I quickly became very good friends with the new guy and my ex-casual buddy was cool with the fact I liked his mate and has not been a problem. I was messaging this new guy almost every day and lots of people on our course started to notice how close we are and often commented on us. Because they had all heard about my casual relationship they assumed I was just after the same kind of thing with the new guy, but I really want something more meaningful this time. Just before term ended, on a night out, he got very drunk and couldn't make it home so he slept on my sofa (fueling more rumors!) and we stayed up talking for several hours. The next night (again on a night out) everyone was talking about us and he kissed me. This time we were both very drunk and we went back to my place and very nearly had sex. I only stopped because I didn't want to sleep with for the first time while drunk. We didn't talk at all about what happened afterwards. The next night we all went out again (end of term partying!) and I got very drunk again and he looked after me all night and took me home. This time we cuddled all night and when he left in the morning he kissed me goodbye. As we don't live near each other we said we'd see each other after Easter (four weeks :/) There's an added complication: he was dating a girl when we first met but I heard a couple of weeks ago that they'd grown apart and there's another girl who has been messaging him who's clearly interested. He's also slept with one of his female friends before. I'm not very good at communication with guys and so never asked him what he wanted or whether he was seeing anyone else. Now I'm really confused and I'm worried he only made a move because he thought I was up for casual sex as a lot of people are still talking about it. I don't know whether I should message him now or if it's best to wait four weeks to talk in person. What should I do? Also, what do you think he's after?

Re: What does he want??

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2016 10:03 am
by Mrconfused74
So he was with someone when he started flirting with you and kissed you? Does this sound like a good guy? He's also got another girl messaging him! to me it sounds like he's using you, if he was that interested he would have told you about his gf, and told this girl not to message him or ignored them. So he's
Keeping his options open. Don't wait four weeks message him and ask him. You said you can't really talk to guys about this sort of stuff so do it now. If there is a big delay in replying then it's possible he's had to think about what you want to hear, rather than how he feels, if he's that into you he'll reply quite quickly,

Re: What does he want??

PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2016 5:01 pm
by Akidma
It all sounds very confusing to me; I do feel people like you don't even know what a proper relationship is, so wouldn't know where to start. You seem to feel that messaging someone is a part of a relationship? It isn't. Give and take could be a start. Understanding someone may help but I do feel you will continue to get involved with many men, commit to sex with most then just merely end up with the unlucky one who makes you pregnant. That will then end in divorce and so will the next, until you grow up and realise the importance of a relationship.