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Starting a family fears

PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 12:09 am
by Forest4
Hi all,
My husband really wants a family but I never have wanted children, we have spoken about this many times and agreed to leave it.. it's now been a few years and I'm coming up 34 and it's at the back of my mind should I?

I'm terrified of labour and the after math!
I suffer from a heart problem what is also a consurn and I'm also embraced about the giving birth and what people will think especially my husband I feel they will laugh at my pain. Totally silly!?
It also bothers me about getting big as I'm only small and i don't want to breast feed.

Re: Starting a family fears

PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 6:10 pm
by snail
Well, I would ask your GP about the heart issue first. He or she will probably have a good idea straight off if there's likely to be any chance of a problem. Once you have an answer you can worry about the other things.

I can't reassure you about labour or breastfeeding as I haven't experienced them, but could you speak to another woman who has? Not perhaps your mum or mum-in-law because of their vested interests, but what about a friend, a colleague, an aunt or a sister?

The only thing I would say, is that all those sort of things that you've mentioned are really quite temporary. For example, I don't think when you're going on a spa day with your daughter for your 50th birthday you'll be thinking "yes, this is all very nice but I really didn't like those hours in labour".

Re: Starting a family fears

PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 8:42 pm
by David020549
To a man having kids is mostly about proving your masculinity and not about rearing and enjoying the children day by day, there are men who embrace that role but not many. So the first decision is yours, do you want children, reading your post you are not enthusiastic at the prospect.
To allay your childbirth fears I can assure you that nobody is laughing in the delivery room, having accompanied my wife on 3 occasions, she would not describe it as enjoyable, more of an achievement. Talk to your GP about your heart problem and take his/her advice and don't forget a baby will change your lifestyle for 20 yrs.

Re: Starting a family fears

PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 10:25 pm
by johnay
I have to disagree there. This man couldn't wait to have my own children and its been THE most important thing that has happened in my life. The only thing I couldn't do for them was breast feed them.. I doubt that I've been a great Dad just an ordinary man that wanted a family of my own. For me it's a primeval urge and a nurturing urge that has overwhelmed me. I now have a grand daughter and the same emotions have emerged but are somehow more intense.
Yes child birth isn't a great time for a lady but I was there for all 4 of my wife's labour. I wouldn't have missed it as she so needed my support and love even though it was an intensely worrying time.. A friend of ours said that it wasn't a pleasant day in your life but that's it and is soon forgotten. Everyone has a different experience but great support is offered these days. It's been happening for the thousands of years and if noone does it then none of us would be here. Yes nakedness is involved but that's no big deal and if you don't want to breast feed then you don't have to. It's not the end of the world. But at the end of the day you have the most amazing gift of life and a monument not just for your existence but also for your parents lives as well. My mum died young back in 1959 aged 38 but now there is a little girl who was her name carrying on her genes and memory and that makes me the proudest man in the world. Good luck with whatever you decide..