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Big age gap in a relationship

PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2016 10:00 pm
by Bluebell200
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Re: Big age gap in a relationship

PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 3:06 pm
by Tarantula
When you say in his 30s.... how old is he exactly? In my mind, there's a difference between 31 and 39. 31 is just out of 20s, where I'd expect someone to be sorted careerwise, and looking to 'settle down' (according to the usual societal model for how we must live our lives). At 39 I'd expect a man to be a father, divorced, and beginning a midlife crisis.

I'm 25 and my partner is 37. We met last year. I think less people bat an eyelid because I was older than you are, when we met.

Although I've always been 'mature for my age', looking back, I see myself as a kid at 18. I didn't know nothing! Especially about mature, adult relationships. I was fresh out of school, hadn't finished my education yet... but try telling that to an 18 year old and they'll immediately want to tell you how much they can take care of themselves.

No doubt when I'm 40 I'll look back on how I am now and feel the same.

What's his situation? Why isn't he with a woman of his own age? Does he like you because you have a genuine compatibility, long conversations, lots of laughter, and a real sense of connection?

Or are you just a young side ting he fancies, but wouldn't consider for a real relationship?

In my case, my partner is nearly at the end of an amicable divorce, no kids or joint assets, and we genuinely hit it off from the start. He's my best friend and we live together now and I couldn't be happier. So like, the age gap doesn't mean a thing to me. At first I was thinking, hmmm, is he just after me because I'm young? Or because he's divorcing and just wants someone there? But there's no doubt now that his feelings for me are deeper than that, and we get along very well.

You say you don't care about the buying you things part... but you did bring it up. This guy sounds a bit predatory, but until you actually go on a few dates (and don't sleep with him rightaway), it's difficult to know how things would go.

Re: Big age gap in a relationship

PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2016 4:47 pm
by Bluebell200
Thanks Tarantula
I'm not sure of his exact age but I think he's about 35 (haven't asked for his age).
That I know off he's had past relationships with people his own age but they never worked out because the previous relationships they had nothing in common, and they wanted different things out of the relationship. So he's never really found the one to settle down with.
From my perspective I think he does properly like me because we have a lot of things in common, we have long conversations which last all day, we have a laugh when we're with each other. But I am a little worried in case he likes me because I'm young and be his bit on the side, and take advantage of me in a way. We're both planning on going on a few dates so hopefully see how things go. I say he buys me things, there small nice gestures like paying for food or drink if were out together so nothing fancy or exspensive or offering to pay for things (which I also refuse to because I don't expect him to pay for things)

Re: Big age gap in a relationship

PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2016 11:02 am
by Tarantula
In this case, all you can do is give things a go BUT.

Real talk. If this is the guy for you, he's likely to check out of life way before you are - it's a big circumstantial settle on your part, because you could just go out with someone your own age and experience similar chapters of life together.

So this guy should really be 110% worth it from day one. It has to be really, really, special. Otherwise you may end up finding out why none of his previous relationships with women his own age have worked out.

He is way older than you, which means he'll be good at pre-empting how you're likely to respond to things. It's like... he'll always be a few steps ahead of you.

But I don't know you and maybe you are profoundly mature yourself.