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Should I go on holiday without my boyfriend?

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2016 9:43 am
by Charl234
My best friend is moving to Australia this year and I am planning to go and visit her for 2 weeks in March next year. I asked my boyfriend to come with me but he says he can't afford it. He was up for going on holiday with his mates instead (somewhere a little cheaper). After telling my friend that I will go and visit her and booking time off work, my boyfriend has now said I'm selfish for going. He no longer wants me to go and has said that he won't be waiting for me when I get back. His argument is that if I go away, we won't have a 'big' holiday together again before we buy a house etc. I've said I will go on holiday with him later in the year but it won't be as expensive. Am I putting myself and my friends before him or is he being unreasonable? Is it worth losing my 2 year relationship over?

Re: Should I go on holiday without my boyfriend?

PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 10:58 am
by Tarantula
He's being out of order. Is he usually the clingy, possessive type?

You've invited him to come. You've offered alternatives. You've done everything you can to accommodate him EXCEPT go back on your plan entirely.

This is something you want to do. It is your life. Do it, and let the chips fall where they may.

If you bend over backwards for him and cancel your plans, he'll know he can get his own way, however unreasonable, if he threatens to leave the relationship.

'I won't be here when you get back' - good! If that's the case, he's not worth having.

Let's face facts: he could afford to come with you if he really wanted to. A few cheap weeks here, a little fewer beer nights there, and yeah, it's possible. So you could easily turn it around and say look, if you don't come with me, I won't want to see you when I'm back!

But that would be fire with fire, I guess.

Clearly there are other issues in the relationship which he should be more honest about. If you do what he wants, you will secretly resent him (and yourself) for it, because I think you know deep down that this isn't right.

Tell him you're going, that's that, and he can do what he wants with that information, but to decide fast, because there are plenty of guys out there who would be able to handle two weeks without you and who would look forward to seeing you when you return.


Side note: if I were him, I would whinge and huff and puff and go on about how badly I'd miss my partner and how I'd want to Facetime every moment of every day. But. I wouldn't threaten to leave over it. That's a disgrace. Of course, this situation wouldn't happen because I would inevitably end up huffing my way into better saving strategies and find myself in Australia with him!

Re: Should I go on holiday without my boyfriend?

PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 2:02 pm
by Trevaskiss
Hang on???

Money and cost of holidays aside here!!

He can go on holiday with his mates, but you're not allowed to go to Australia without him??

I'm afraid I've got no words of advice for you as I can barely even stand up for myself at the moment, but I do hope you get it sorted.

Re: Should I go on holiday without my boyfriend?

PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 10:08 pm
by David020549
You should definitely go regardless of your boyfriends view and you should not take him with you, do not miss the opportunity to visit a friend and get a holiday on the cheap. OZ is a long way and you will need to spend 3 or 4 weeks to justify the travel distance, so aim to do part of the trip backpacking on your own. ( easy to do in OZ )

Your boyfriend has not yet learned that women are much more independant than his mum probably was, saying "no" is not going to lead to a happy relationship, don't let him dominate and railroad you into doing exactly as he wants.

Re: Should I go on holiday without my boyfriend?

PostPosted: Sat Jul 09, 2016 10:10 am
by Charl234
Thank you all for the advice, he has since admitted he was being unreasonable!