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Re Kindle Old Love

PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2016 2:09 pm
by TartanLady
Hi Guys I am in such a quandary. First let me explain, I am 50 and in my life I have had two loveless marriages and one passionate affair. I was married at age 20 to a guy 21 years older than me, it was a total disaster and only a few months after the marriage did I start a seven year affair with a guy. My first marriage ended - not because of the affair but due to violence - and my lover was not in a place to commit. I met and married my second husband almost 20 years ago, which has not been the most loving or fulfilling relationship. Then a few weeks ago my lover appeared on my facebook page we exchanged a few messages which became more and more flirty. Yesterday we met for a drink and chat and all the old feelings are there, for both of us. I know if I see him again we will end up as lovers again. Should I?
Tartan Lady

Re: Re Kindle Old Love

PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2016 5:15 pm
by Tarantula
No. Get divorced first instead of more cheating.

Then again, when you were available, he didn't want you, so why you still going for it?

Re: Re Kindle Old Love

PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2016 6:43 am
by David020549
No you should not have an affair - but you probably will!. He has rekindled old happy memories and it will continue to be in your head, maybe, just maybe you will find lasting happiness, especially if he us encouraging you.

It sounds like your 20 year marriage has gone stale but you stay because you have no better option and it keeps a roof over your head. Unless you have cash or property rights to set up a new life getting divorced is not an attractive option, there are too many uncertainties, you will be very sure of your future plans before you dump hubby.

That is very different from a romp once a week 20 odd years ago, which is all many affairs amount to.

Re: Re Kindle Old Love

PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2016 7:12 am
by TartanLady
Thank, to clarify the property asset situation The house is mine itt was left to me and he has no claim to it. if I am honest the thought of starting again is frightening but I am scared, scared that a loveless marriage is all I have to look forward too, scared of being alone,

Re: Re Kindle Old Love

PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2016 7:15 am
by David020549
Your fears of being lonely after a divorce are well founded many women never find another man they want to live with, although it sounds like you will be financially secure. There is a current trend for couples to divorce after the kids are independant and do their own thing, in practice men usually are happier afterwards and find it much easier to find another usually younger partner.

Does your husband deserve being dumped in the way you are contemplating after 20 yrs he would be effectively homeless, what was your situation when you married, did you already have kids or have you had kids together since, give him whatever credit is due. You owning the house will have done nothing for his self esteem and probably libido he might be feeling like a " kept man" and I would not feel comfortable in that situation, if he goes with the flow all the time it is not very inspiring for you. An element of tension is needed is needed for a good relationship all the long term couples I know have it, life get boring if there is no controversy.

I think you probably need to meet your old boyfriend to find out about his present life, is he really the same man you knew years ago, is the chemistry still there, do you see him as a man you can live with. Try to be objective what life would be like with him, together can you have better lifestyle than you have now and can your combined income support that.

Good luck

Re: Re Kindle Old Love

PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2016 9:58 am
by fairy of darkness
I think the important thing to question here is why do you want to rekindle it.

Is it going to go somewhere this time?
Is he in a place to commit now whereas he wasn't before?
Is it a deeper connection than just lust?

Essentially what I suppose I am asking is, is it worth it? Potentially you could be left heartbroken as it sounds like you have feelings invested in him...

I just wonder what his current situation is.

Remember to put yourself first.

I have never been married so my opinion on this isn't an educated one. But if your marriage is loveless, and I am so sorry to hear that, then perhaps concentrate on ending that and finding happiness for yourself first would be most valuable to you.

F.O.D xx