Is this going anywhere???

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Just Landed
Just Landed
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Joined: Thu Sep 08, 2016 5:06 pm
Gender: Female

Is this going anywhere???

Post by CoffeeSparkles » Thu Sep 08, 2016 7:49 pm

So my boyfriend and I have never really had sex. I mean maybe once or twice, but I can't even be sure about that. I know we definitely did twice-ish on holiday but not since... We have been seeing each other now for a year.
After me trying to talk about it MULTIPLE times he has eventually admitted he struggles to get erections - but only when he is with a woman. He can by himself.
This is really beginning to get to me and he knows it is; I am getting depressed and crying for 'no' reason. Its a relief, I suppose, to know its not me - but I am not certain what I'm thinking. We sleep together several times a week - naked - but nothing! He said he would go to the doctor but so far, no good.
We have a pretty good relationship besides this - not overbearing, but he still lives with his parents and I live alone. He makes way more money than me, and I need someone to live with me, but he wont move in here. He keeps saying he'll help with the rent, but never actually offers any money. I am getting a male friend I've been friends with since I was 14 to move in, which should be fine as I was living with a male friend when I met him, but I can tell he's not keen. Which I understand but I need a housemate! To share bills, rent, cleaning, shopping etc.
I just don't really know what to make of the whole situation. He has a hobby which he does every day without fail, and I don't. We both hate our jobs, but at least his is well paid. He has a close group of friends from school who he is always going on holidays with - i don't. I don't ever nag, except about the sex thing and the fact he wont 'talk' to me, but I really try not to and try to make it as un-confrontational as possible.
He has mentioned buying a house and me moving in with him but has never actually viewed a house.
I am 27 and he is 29... My mam is asking about babies and weddings. I have told her immaculate conception is not a common occurrence these days although I'm not ruling it out.
I did catch him using a dating app once after I had a talk with him about sex, the only time I've ever looked at his phone. I just KNEW. I haven't done it since, but he is glued to it.
Basically I just want some opinions on the situation; my friends are quite brutal with their advice which is fine, but they're going on the view 'you're not happy' so I guess an outside opinion is what I want.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Familiar Face
Familiar Face
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Gender: Male

Re: Is this going anywhere???

Post by David020549 » Sat Sep 10, 2016 6:52 am

It seems to me that there are too many problems in this relationship for it to continue, the no sex issue is the most difficult to overcome and having a male housemate is always going to cause problems with any boyfriend, get a female to share with. If he is using dating websites he is also into porn and has a world of no commitment and no consequences, fantasy, rather like a computer game and that makes it difficult to have a relationship in the real world.
Promising to help with rent then not giving anything would confirm his no commitment world so end it and find a normal boyfriend.

One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
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Re: Is this going anywhere???

Post by johnay » Sat Sep 10, 2016 11:36 pm

I'm finding it hard to understand your relationship with this man and I'm guessing you are as well. There are too many question marks surrounding it all for it to appear to be a proper boyfriend/girlfriend situation. I can't understand why you don't really know whether the two of you have had sex properly either. If you were both younger and very naive it might be possible but you aren't. At your age and in a fairly new relationship you would expect to be having a lot of sex... And you are both sleeping together naked many nights of the week and just nothing is happening is not what anyone would expect. I'm not surprised you are finding this difficult as it must be knocking your self esteem if he's not being turned on by you. I'm speculating that your relationship could be a cover for him. Is he completely impotent or is he leading some sort of double life?? I'm amazed that he's using a dating app and doubt that an impotent or sexually inactive man would want to use one.. There are just too many questions with regard to his behaviour. If he wanted to be with you and was in love he'd be bending over backwards to sort out his erection problems and would be making big plans to set up home with you. Instead he is sleeping naked with you and not having sex and being happy for you to struggle in your personal living situation where he could make such a difference if he committed. I'm guessing he's in need of serious counselling or he's living some sort of double life. I think you need to be more assertive so that you can resolve your problems or to move on in a positive way. Things are not normal are they?? You know that and it's time for you to sort this out one way or another.

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