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Unsure how to feel

PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2016 11:21 am
by saramidnite

I am not sure how i should be feeling. I lost my stepdad last week. He was on hoilday So the furneal sadly wont be till mid october. My boyfriend told his mum he wont go as he lost his granny the same week a few years ago. I do respect that. But i was there for him when he lost his granny. I thought he would be there for me. His mum told me he dont feel he can go. My mum trying to get it arranged on my boyfriend day off. As she wanted him to attend. We live in n.ireland. my mum england. He hasnt told me why he really not going. He says he got to work with dad and brother. Who i know would cover for him. I do get why my boyfriend will find it tough. But at the same time i feel abandoned. Im not mad with him. Just thought as he knows how it feels to lose some one. He wouldnt let me go threw this on my own.

Re: Unsure how to feel

PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2016 3:01 pm
by snail
I completely agree with you. He should be going with you.

Almost everyone finds funerals very difficult, and for a lot of people they can bring back very bad memories of previous ones they have attended. It will also involve travel, boring family gatherings, and all in all an unpleasant time for him. But you don't let your partner travel a long way on her own, to her step-father's funeral, and go through that alone. Losing his grandmother a few years ago is NOT a good enough excuse - it's not the same as losing a step-parent, it was a few years ago now, and even if it wasn't, he should still go with you and support you.

Re: Unsure how to feel

PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2016 8:25 pm
by fairy of darkness
I agree with snail. This day is about you and your family, he should be supporting you. I can't imagine how he would feel if one of his parents passed and you said "no I don't want to come it's too hard for me" that's a very selfish response.

I am really sorry to hear about your loss, and we are here if you need to talk. Grief is such a confusing emotion and it's something so many of us can relate too.

Sending you my love and support,


Re: Unsure how to feel

PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2016 9:06 pm
by Mrconfused74
As you said fairy! Grief is a very confusing emotion, and it's quite possible that her bf finds it very hard to deal with these kinds of situations. I went to my first funeral and a young age, it was my 18 year old uncles, as a result the next funeral I went too was some 20 years later. We also don't know how close he was to his gran, and this coming at this time could bring back some very painful memories for him.
I don't deny he should be supportive, but there are other ways he can show that. Maybe by going with you but not being there for the actual funeral, and being there for you afterwards. Relationships do need compromise sometimes even in times when we shouldn't expect to have too. But at least during the service you will be surrounded by family, as well as the fact he will be waiting after. If your relationship is strong, you will get Over this, for its a bit shaky this could
Well make it worse. Let him be there for you in his own way, so offer an alternative.

I'm sorry for loss I know it's very hard.

Re: Unsure how to feel

PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2016 8:57 pm
by saramidnite
Thank you every one. He has started to make a bit of an effort and we changing the date so hopefully he now will be going.