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Go for a drink? Or burn the bridge?

PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 5:39 pm
by charlotteeden
Hi!

I started seeing a guy just after me and my ex split up a few months ago. The guy was in exactly the same position with his ex so we kind of bonded over it (and mainly in secret because the timing just looked so shady). We became so close, speaking nearly every day for months. Sex was amazing.

One day a couple of weeks ago, he suddenly got up to leave my house so he could get an early night to prepare for work. I was feeling kind of moody/hormonal and felt a bit rejected that he just stood up out of the blue when we were having such a nice night. I was a bit short with him and he noticed.

I apologised for being moody, and he acknowledged that he made the decision to leave really suddenly, and said sorry. We have hardly spoken since, although both of us have attempted to make conversation via text. My friends don’t like the situation and think I would be weak to message him…but then they don’t know the extent of mine and this guy’s relationship. They think it's just a standard rebound and that he's horrible for not texting me like normal - it probably is a rebound, but the connection/closeness really exists. Due to both of our situations, we know we can't be together, but obviously we've been keeping each other around anyway.

I want to see if he wants to go for a cup of tea this weekend. Should I ask? Or should I leave it?

Re: Go for a drink? Or burn the bridge?

PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 6:50 pm
by Tarantula
Relationship? Is that what it is? Has he said that? Or is this just sex?

Sounds like just sex to me. You said due to your situations you can't be together. What do you mean can't? Is that the sly way of saying one of you is still in a relationship?

Well if he wanted you he would still be keeping up contact to prevent you getting the wrong idea - unless it's the right one, of course.

You could just ask him outright what's going on, and although that's probably just giving him a chance to shoot you down formally, at least then you'll know for sure. Although not knowing is already knowing, in a way.

I say just chill and do nothing, go date someone else. Yet at the same time I know that I probably wouldn't be able to help having one last message for absolute clarity.

Re: Go for a drink? Or burn the bridge?

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2016 10:31 am
by charlotteeden
Hi Tarantula, and thanks for your reply :)

No, neither of us are still in a relationship - the situation I was referring to is simply that we've both just come out of relationships etc. I don't want a new boyfriend, and pretty sure he doesn't want to get deep into something so soon. We spoke about this a couple of days before it all 'kicked off' and agreed that the timing is all wrong - had we met at another time, we would be together etc. So I guess it is sex/companionship, which neither of us have admitted to each other. Maybe the other night really drove it home that it can only ever be just sex.

I guess it's a case of whether I'm fine with it all leading to nowhere - I thought I was but then here I am over-thinking and posting on a problem page! I am going to sit tight for now and figure out what I want from this. That way I guess I kind of win either way.
Thanks again,

Char x

Re: Go for a drink? Or burn the bridge?

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2016 11:16 am
by Tarantula
Yes, here you are.

Yes, always be real about what you want from every interaction.

Food for thought: is it ever really the case that one can be sleeping with someone and NOT end up catching feelings? I know I've been in your situation! Especially after a breakup when the urge is to 'transfer' feelings from the ex onto the guy you're sleeping with. I've also tried to do the whole casual, female-sexual-liberation thing before but found myself entering relationships every time, with guys who were only supposed to be a quick fix - and with disastrous results.

It's a traaaaapp!!!!