Hot and cold guy who is getting colder

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Hot and cold guy who is getting colder

Postby RebecaStone » Mon Nov 07, 2016 1:40 pm

This is a guy who is much older than me. I'm 36 he's 60 and twice divorced. We used to communicate just via emails for over 2 years and had misunderstandings and arguments , on and off but when we finally met he was completely different. He was incredibly affectionate, hugging me tight and kissing me (not on the lips) and I was with another friend, we just talked about trivial stuff as I was stunned after meeting him and being hugged because all this time I thought he didn't even like me. Then after that first meeting he sent me an email to say he said he finds difficult to maintain a relationship online. Nothing else really but I wanted to guess again if it was because it takes too much of his time or wants to get in touch less often which I'd be ok with it as long as we keep in touch. I didn't mention his affection gestures because I didn't want to misinterpret them and I was confused, what did he mean? was he holding back his feelings all this time? f he had been so affectionate I thought that was a new start of whatever altough a long relationship with a guy who is so much older is not so attractive to me. I just want to hang around with him.... but he didn't say anything else and that made me really miserable, I cried and felt incredibly frustrated because I thought it would finally be better, the communication and then meet up again. But I didn't tell him I was sad. I just tried to keep it light and ask something specific and the would reply shortly, quick and dry. I hate it. I waited for a few days and said that meeting him was really significant and didn't expect any of those hugs and kisses but I did like them and then I said I would send less often emails. It was a nice long email and he replied that he's not online often, that it was all fine and take care. This kept me more and more frustrated. Am I supposed to guess more? be more open with my feelings or just get the message and leave him. So although I was giving him more time to reply to my emails and spreading them he replied 3 days later, 5 days later...i had to give him a nudge to reply the last one. So in the end I said ok, I don't like chasing him and insisting and I'm sure he doesn't like it either and trying to push the conversations is not good either. I said next time I email him he can take all the time in the world to reply (but I won't send more so it's basically over to me) and that I'm trying to do the sensible thing for the sake of my mental health. Am I being too pushy? should I give him space? will he come back to me?
RebecaStone
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2016 1:27 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Hot and cold guy who is getting colder

Postby Tarantula » Thu Nov 10, 2016 8:30 pm

I struggled to make sense of your post, to be honest with you.

So you have a mostly online thing with a way older man, who you've met once, and who hugged you a lot in front of your friend but nothing more.

Uhhh. Is this dating or just hugging?

He's obviously changed his mind in any case.

This sounds like a whole lot of nothing. Move on, surely you can do better than an online back-and-forth with a massively older guy.

Also, get clear on what you want for yourself. Perhaps English isn't your first language, but your writing is largely incoherent.
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 909
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Hot and cold guy who is getting colder

Postby johnay » Fri Nov 11, 2016 8:17 am

From what you are saying I think this friend of yours likes you somewhat but obviously wants to meet you in person. Both of you enjoyed meeting in that way and I'm guessing that's the way he wants to communicate. He's stated that he's not online much and many older folks aren't always that big or keen with everything being done online. Older folks also prefer to meet face to face more than online 'relationships'. I would suggest meeting again to see how it goes and how you feel. If you are after romance then maybe someone nearer your own age might be a better bet but that's up to you. If it's just a friendship thing then a lot of hugs and kisses aren't that appropriate really as a lot of physical contact can mislead and confuse certain men. Chasing anyone for romance or friendship isn't a good idea too as you will come over as clingy or desperate. Keep it casual and if he lets it drop then so be it.
johnay
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 82
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:57 pm

Re: Hot and cold guy who is getting colder

Postby RebecaStone » Thu Dec 15, 2016 11:09 pm

Hey thanks for your reply
I have given it a break. Your point of view makes complete sense but this gentleman has got also a huge baggage. I guess he does feel something but he's too weighted...
RebecaStone
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2016 1:27 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Hot and cold guy who is getting colder

Postby Celebritydiscodave » Sun Dec 25, 2016 11:06 am

I have read the first half, it is Christmas Day!! Time travel/bridging time is not exclusively less romantic, and in my honest view there is the very outside chance of it actually being more so. Whilst most of us age in time, or approximately so, there remains a small fraction of one percent of us, apparently, that are ageing quite genuinely, so I do mean specifically under the microscope, thirty years slower. Just imagine how much age prejudice over their genuine age they have to endure in today`s society. In any event one`s age/the extent to which one has changed, is not everything and where love is absolute may even amount to less than nothing. It is accedingly tough on fathers, as it can also be on any offspring. If one`s father is "too old" he may never be excepted as being a father. They are often accepted only to be rejected later.
This older man is failing the test even before there has been any substantial testing. It is very easy to feel in the moment affection for females the age that might be one`s daughter. I`m male, and of sixty one years. I even live with females in their late teens and early twenties out of this nature of affection. There is nothing wrong with it accept that it may tend to be over generalised/he may too easily have the same feelings for a thousand other girls your age, or indeed much younger. Do n`t think in terms of devoting your life to him for the next five or ten years unless he is keeping up in terms of passing the tests which denote sustainable love. Not every single last guy in their sixties is old. I`m routinely producing new physical world records/doing physical things that nobody else in the world has yet publically matched. I`m currently second in the world for one hour volume punching. - If he genuinely loves you the way a father should love his daughter, selflessly, it is absolutely harmless, and you should not feel that by seconding it with a conventional relationship that you are in any way letting him down. I tend to loving the girls which live with me, and I only ever want them to have successful relationships with their peers. Where love is freely and genuinely unconditional it can only ever be a good thing, and this totally irrespective of the years of disparity. Totally unconditional love is always totally appropriate. You are not attempting to get a book published here so I think your English is fine, and I`m ok with the "chasing", for if another is becoming a close friend, never mind whether it may be one way or not, a by-product of this is precisely that, "chasing". It`s not the term which I`d apply to it however - Where friendship genuinely exists it is happening, so one cannot at the same time be holding one`s breath. More than a little chasing quite obviously suggests to a relationship of one sided quality of friendship. In terms of your actual "real ages" we of course no absolutely nothing, we only have ageing averages/statistics to work with, and it is just possible that you are both around the same age.
Celebritydiscodave
 


Return to Girlfriends & Boyfriends - Husbands & Wives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 2 guests

cron