Page 1 of 1

Can you change someone's mind?

Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 8:36 pm
by Danb24719
I posted a different article the other day (girlfriend dumped me yesterday)

Really struggling to come to terms with the end of the relationship.

I'm sure that my ex has been influenced by others to leave me and I don't think it's what she really wants (unless there's a third party involve but I do trust her that there isn't)

Has anyone on here ever left someone then taken them back? Or been dumped and won them back.

I don't want to sound desperate but surely if I still want her I should make a last ditch attempt to win her back after we've been apart for a week to see if she's changed her mind slightly?

Any advice on how to go about it? I'm not going to do anything like send gifts as I'm not trying to buy her back but what kind of thing could I say? Without sounding desperate.

Please note we live the other side of the country so I cannot try and meet her and talk her out of it.


Re: Can you change someone's mind?

Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 8:43 pm
by Danb24719
Also do you think after breaking up with someone you love so much is to try and be friends or cut them out of your life completely?

Re: Can you change someone's mind?

Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 9:55 pm
by Country Joe
Hi Dan trying to stay friends with someone your in love in doesn't work at all! First off you don't want to be a 'friend' you clearly still want to be with this girl! If she's chosen to move forward without you trying to remain 'friends' will only succeed in making you suffer more! I loved someone from a distance once for far to long and to sum it up it's like holding on to a cactus... the longer you hold on the more painful.
When someone ends a relationship the person left behind will initially go through some desperate times, it's horrible and all consuming...your mind & thoughts are completely captivated!
Can you change someone's mind!....maybe but if their minds made up in no time at all you'll be back where you started! There may be a time somewhere down the road in years to come but in my opinion if your girlfriend has made her mind up it would be best to accept it and begin the process of healing! Nothing will feel as bad as it does at the moment! Be kind to yourself, keep busy if you can and don't go dating for a fair while!

Re: Can you change someone's mind?

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2016 7:13 am
by David020549
It is always hard when you are dumped for no obvious reason, as your ex is living a long way away she has made new friends, her social life revolves around them not you.
Can you win her back?. Probably not, she has made a deliberate decision to end it and lives away, if you had had a row and fallen out it would be different but she has made a cold hard decision, it is over. Don't try to contact her and don't try to remain friends, that will complicate any future relationship.
The quickest way to get over it is to start socialising and dating again, old memories will fade quickly, whatever you do don't sit at home and brood about what might have been, that will make you feel much worse.

Re: Can you change someone's mind?

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2016 4:47 pm
by johnay
Hey you've already been given great advice from the previous two posters. I agree that trying to remain friends just doesn't work as you'll continue to hope that things will go back to the way they were. Unfortunately for most folks in your situation they won't go back... It's best all round if you make a clean break from her yourself. It will be hard to do but you need to move on yourself and to venture into pastures new. Don't stay in and brood as its just so negative. You won't see each other for a while so make the most of the break and if she has any big regrets about breaking up then let it be her that gets back in touch...

Re: Can you change someone's mind?

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2016 6:32 pm
by Danb24719
You're right thanks guys.

If she changes her mind she can make contact. I'll leave it, as hard as that will be.

Re: Can you change someone's mind?

Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2016 7:41 pm
by Country Joe
The other thing to that you ought to say to yourself is " Do I really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?"

Re: Can you change someone's mind?

Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2016 8:48 am
by Trevaskiss
I know it's an old cliché, but .......

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.

Don't go chasing after her - it's just not fair on either of you. If you did get back together, you'd be questioning every day how she feels about you which isn't fair on you and not fair on her either.

Just let her go, move on. You're young enough to enjoy your life and love again.

Re: Can you change someone's mind?

Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2016 9:12 am
by Celebritydiscodave
Yes, it is a wasted relationship if you cannot pick up as friends afterwards. Giving a former partner something to remember one by might be viewed as trying to buy them back, so it becomes important to send the appropriate words with such a gift. It is in the memory that they`ll come back, and in their own time. Girls can on occasion be manipulated back, but the relationship is as on course for failure then as ever it had been before. Communications should place your feelings past tense, and speak of friendship, not of love. Wish her every fortune, and express that you shall be living in the hope of ever meeting somebody again with her qualities in the future. Remove the intensity/the love/the emotion, and speak only of that which tangibly exists.Write well because you can only do this with any benefit just the one time. After this you run the risk of the affect becoming a negative one. Anything coming from you that she`ll read as "desperate" ups the intensity again. This must be void of intensity. The principle is this, that she is obliged to consider (only) the lost friendship, not the emotion/intensity which she has been trying to escape. If she has met another your only chance here is in being understanding, and likely only then in the longer term. Baring in mind your intensity how on earth would she have been supposed to let you know in advance anyway?? Humility is all.