Opposite sex friends?

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Tarantula » Thu Feb 16, 2017 7:34 am

Ok, you haven't cheated. You've just started a thread on an internet forum about whether it's 'ok to be friends' with another woman and complained about her not wanting to text you outside of office hours and mentioned her good looks and openly wondered what might happen whilst also admitting how unhappy you are in your marriage and that continuing NOT to cheat is a 'maybe' at this point, so how DARE I even THINK to besmirch your good character with such baseless assumptions of what could happen in the near future. :P

Don't take it so personally. It would be tiresome indeed if I had to write 'now now, this is just my personal opinion, I don't know any of you in real life so can't say with certainty how you would all feel under whatever circumstances, and of course what I'm about to say is tainted by my own bias and lens of perception arising from whatever my life experience is as it's impossible to be truly impartial, but what I think is.............' at the start of every response, so you defensively pointing any of that out is kind of a moot point.

Call me a jumped-up idealist, but I just think that staying together for the sake of the kids whilst fantasising over girl at work is not good. Surely, there must be a better solution? If you have truly tried everything - couples counselling, honest communication, sex stuff, a holiday, a back massage, a trip to some poverty-stricken slum to help you appreciate what you've got, a tarot reading, Sunday church, a good homecooked meal on a cold winter's day etc - EVERYTHING within your power to honour your marriage, honour your wife, and make it work, then my view (with all aforementioned disclaimer so you don't get mad) is that an amicable separation would be better for all involved in the longterm.

But you know best!

No really, you do.
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 907
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Country Joe » Thu Feb 16, 2017 10:19 pm

I think a number of people have opened their hearts and offered some good advice based on our own experiences and that of others! Perhaps it's not really what Sam wants to hear...The ooohs & the ahhhs have run out and with everything stripped away there's nothing else to say, other than the truth hurts and it also has an uncanny way of mirroring the selfish nature of peoples behaviour! We're all guilty of it at times!
Country Joe
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 38
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:59 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby spacegirl » Sat Feb 18, 2017 7:58 pm

It is possible to have platonic friends of the opposite sex, but only if you're open and honest about the nature of the relationship with all involved. The second either party even so much as thinks of crossing boundaries, even if nothing is ever acted on then it is no longer a platonic friendship. I have two very close male friends, both married with kids, and I'm married. We have been friends for over 12 years and my husband knows them well. Those two friends came as part of the package when we started dating so it was never negotiable whether or not I had male friends, it was simply a fact. If I start new friendships however my husband is initially wary until he knows and trusts them. It doesn't sound like your friend is willing to be open and honest about your relationship so to me that friendship sounds like a non-starter, sorry!
not if you were the last dandy on earth
User avatar
spacegirl
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 544
Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 11:19 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Country Joe » Sun Feb 19, 2017 2:10 pm

I don't think anyone disputes that we can have 'platonic' friends with the oposite sex but this persons friendship has crept beyond that. It is one of the issues one has to mindful of.
Country Joe
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 38
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:59 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby spacegirl » Sun Feb 19, 2017 3:05 pm

Ah yes - I was responding directly to the original post, it was only after I saw things had progressed. Well, it seems my original advice echoes what the rest of you have been saying anyway, this is no longer a platonic relationship so if he wants to save things with his partner, he will have to walk away altogether. There's a choice he has to make, either he works hard to fix his relationship and save what he has, and that means ending any relationship with this co-worker, or he faces up to things and finishes with his partner. With zero obligation on the co-worker to be a part of that decision, sounds like she wants to create boundaries around their friendship and he should respect that.
not if you were the last dandy on earth
User avatar
spacegirl
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 544
Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 11:19 pm
Gender: Female

Previous

Return to Girlfriends & Boyfriends - Husbands & Wives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests