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Ulterior Motive

PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:56 pm
by Mrconfused74
Was reading a post from another user, and it got me wondering, why do married people start 'friendships' with opposite sex people but hide it from their partners? In this instance they haven't met, but text and chat on the phone? Why would someone do that? Guess this might help answer his question too,

Re: Ulterior Motive

PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 12:26 am
by Country Joe
Escapism & because they can I guess! Thrill seeking a safe exploratory of fantasy.

Re: Ulterior Motive

PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 1:08 pm
by David020549
Assuming the man isn't gay ( or past it ) the attraction is sex, it is our basic instinct, women know this and are on guard either they want the relationship to develop or they don't. Just like any other M/F relationship it will progress quickly to kissing, cuddling and so on, OR, will stay platonic ( friend zone ) if you like.
Partners are always jealous to some extent so you can never be open about the friendship, for instance a guy can can tell his wife that he is going to the football with his mate Fred but if it was some unknown Mary there would be fireworks.

Re: Ulterior Motive

PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 7:43 pm
by snail
David020549 wrote:Assuming the man isn't gay ( or past it ) the attraction is sex, it is our basic instinct, women know this and are on guard either they want the relationship to develop or they don't. Just like any other M/F relationship it will progress quickly to kissing, cuddling and so on, OR, will stay platonic ( friend zone ) if you like.
Partners are always jealous to some extent so you can never be open about the friendship, for instance a guy can can tell his wife that he is going to the football with his mate Fred but if it was some unknown Mary there would be fireworks.

While that may be true for you, it is not true for everyone. I house-share for financial reasons with a man my own age; we've known each other since we were teenagers and there is no sexual attraction whatsoever between us. I can truly say, not if he were the last man on earth. I have another close male friend - we've been away on weekends together but there never could be anything sexual between us, as we are not suited in that way at all. He is married; his wife is also a friend and she is fine with it (sometimes she comes with us). My boyfriend knows both my house mate and my other male friend, and is also fine with it. My boyfriend himself has two close-ish female friends whom he goes for coffee with or out to dinner with on a regular basis. I am fine with that. So you see it really does happen. Yes, sex is a basic drive but that does not mean everyone of the opposite gender is a potential sexual partner. Those who aren't and never could be, can become friends in exactly the same way as a person of your own gender does.

Re: Ulterior Motive

PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2017 8:56 am
by David020549
Snail, we pretty much agree. You house share with a man and have weekends away with another you know them well and YOU have decided there is no romantic attraction, you are in friend zone, but that does not mean that initially they had no attraction for you.
I also have a couple of female friends that I go to events with, we are not close, we don't message beyond "pick you up at 2pm" my wife knows them well, there is no problem. Because everything is in the open it is OK but if I was going with a female that she didn't know or didn't like it would be different.
You underestimating male intent, these men "like" you and "respect" you but if YOUR body language changed and you cuddled up close most would not resist.

Re: Ulterior Motive

PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2017 10:17 am
by Country Joe
What ever works for you is fine. From my own experience the partners I've been with have been guarded and reluctant for me to share my time with other women friends. I think its a tricky one to say the least.

Re: Ulterior Motive

PostPosted: Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:04 pm
by thething
i think the best way to put it is...you can learn so much more from the opposite sex when chatting and becoming friends, its a different balance, more so if you are both hetero i think so i have a few female friends i love to meet up with and yes we do act differently because we are opposite sex but thats just the way it goes...no sex involved. although......just kidding!!