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Left a cheat but now I'm pregnant!???

PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2017 7:28 pm
by paperhat83
I was going with my boyfriend for 3 years we talked about marriage and I actually thought he was about to propose. Then I got a phone call from a local married man saying he caught my boyfriend and his wife sleeping with each other on their sofa one Sunday evening….this was after spending all weekend with me and even sleeping with me early the same day. I also found out he went on a date with another girl a few weeks before this, they just kissed.

Obviously I was distraught and confronted him he denied all, but its true…anyway we split up and he begged me back for about 3 motnhs, saying how sorry he was, how much he loved me and he will never do anything ike hat again etc I eventually got back with him….to be honest I think I was in denial about what he done and blocking it out or something, so we got back and 3 months later he proposed and we moved in together…..i have been back with him nearly a year now.

He has been so perfect since but I do not trust him and don’t think I can marry him I just cant get over what he done and the lies he told me, how can you do that on someone you say you love ? He cant explain any of it, says it was a moment of weakness, however both incidents were very much planned.

im more angry now that at the start when I was in denial. Anyway i was planning on leaving him after xmas and calling of the engagement, I got my work to transfer me to a new city, however I found out at xmas im pregnant by him.

Hes really happy I am not, if I stay with him and marry him he will more than likely cheat on me again and I will be a single parent. I don’t know what to do, im currenly in the new city and hes back home about 2 hours away…im 17 weeks pregnant and don’t know what to do, if I leave him and have the baby my self I wont be able to afford it especially in the city im in, I will have to move home where he is also from , its so remote.

I have thought about having an abortion but I feel im very late on to have one (I didn’t find out i was pregnant until I was 13 weeks,an earlier pregnancy test was negative when in fact i was 8 weeks at that stage. I was also on the pill)

im 34 and would love children but I want them with the right person. Not someone I don’t trust. I know I can meet someone else im attrative and am never short of male admirers,that was the reason of moving ot this new city was to get a way from him and move on and now im preganant. I need some advice on what to do?? Please help….

Re: Left a cheat but now I'm pregnant!???

PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2017 10:24 pm
by Tarantula
My vote would be to abort, ASAP. You are not ready to have this kid. It is the biggest commitment you can make in life. There is nothing bigger. Your circumstances are the perfect recipe for a kid who's gonna have a messed up upbringing. You're right, your partner's probably gonna cheat again if he hasn't already (if he'd done a good job reassuring you then you wouldn't be here) and the child will be the one to face the consequences of growing up without a stable family home with both parents.

You had the right idea to move away, start a new job and life.

Re: Left a cheat but now I'm pregnant!???

PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2017 10:25 pm
by Tarantula
PS - I have aborted once. Much earlier along than you, but I just want to say - the emotional upheaval of abortion is NOT always the case. For me, the circumstances surrounding my abortion were upsetting yes, but the thing itself... I knew it could not possibly be a smart idea to go ahead with the pregnancy. I have zero regret.

Re: Left a cheat but now I'm pregnant!???

PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2017 1:57 pm
by snail
What do you want to do, in your heart? I think there will be an outcome that's the one you really want; you might feel you need permission to go ahead with it, but whatever it is, it will be the right decision, because you made it.

Re: Left a cheat but now I'm pregnant!???

PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2017 4:43 pm
by David020549
if you keep the baby, worst case scenario you become a single mum, and commit yourself to that role, welfare support is really good for parents and kids and there are thousands in exactly that position, it won't be easy but the rewards are many.

Maybe the boyfriend will stay, hopefully paying child benefit, if not you say you are attractive maybe another guy will come along. Married or not life is never perfect, that is a dream, all any of us can do is make the best of what fate brings us.

Re: Left a cheat but now I'm pregnant!???

PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2017 7:45 pm
by spacegirl
I think you need to take him out of the equation altogether and decide for yourself if you want this child. If you do really want this baby you will make it work. It will be hard but the benefits will outweigh the challenges. It would be different if you didn't want the baby at all but you do say you would like a child. I wouldn't like you to make such a decision based on the behaviour of your partner, if the baby is what you want why should you suffer more because of his bad behaviour? As for him, get him out of your life forever, you'll work things out financially. Good luck xxx