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Is all lost?

PostPosted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 8:59 pm
by Teacup29
Hello all,

The last time I was here, I was in a debate about whether or not I'd been on a date with a coworker. Well, it wasn't a date, but shortly (a week later) I met the most fabulous person. He was fun, clever and kind. He was someone I thought couldn't possibly want me, but he did. Over the six ish month (perhaps just shy), we got to know each other, saw each other at least twice a week and generally talked most days.

At the start of the year, my grandma got very sick, and sadly died. He was with me during this time, popping over for cuddles. When she died, he was also in the middle of family drama Which was quite private (medical issues with his sister that his parents weren't aware of). He didn't tell me, but admitted he was scared he couldn't support me 100%. I told him I did t need him by my side completely (I'd go mad), and sister was most important. I'd be there to help him when needed me/wanted me.

Flash forwards, life is good. He was snuggled up with me last week telling me he was in his "happy place", getting excited for his birthday treats etc. He made plans for a date weekend, meal, sex, cuddling, the usual happiness that we've had in the past. We didn't fight, occasionally a miscommunication but no massive arguments.

Monday after our date weekend our morning texts are normal, brief, but normal. I didn't hear from him
Again that day and just checked in to see if he was ok. Brushed me off with "bad day", which turned out to be his sister having another miscarriage. On Tuesday night he called and broke up with me. He did most of the talking, sorta gasping and telling me he "needs to be alone, by himself".'that he can't give me 100%, and that it's hard for him to admit because our relationship wasn't wrong and he didn't feel I'd done anything wrong. I told him, for the first time, I was falling a bit in love with him, but that I wouldn't fight him.

On Thursday my friend saw him on a dating website and sent me a pic. I text him about it, and confronted him. I basically said he clearly had no feelings for me, and this was goodbye. He tried to
Tell me he wasn't online, but I doubted it.

Today, I look myself. He hasn't been on there since I called him out on it. Now I just miss
Him. I so badly want to call
Him, and just... see what's happening. Will he change his mind? It was all so good...

Re: Is all lost?

PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 4:30 pm
by snail
I can imagine how awful that was for you. Six months is a horrible time to break up - you're just getting comfortable and feeling safe and thinking of the long term. But if he broke up with you on Tuesday and had a dating profile up to try and attract other women by Thursday, then it clearly didn't mean as much for him as it did for you. It can't have gone that deep for him. Some people feel obligated to fake more enthusiasm than they feel in relationships and are uncomfortable being open about how they feel (it's interesting that he couldn't be honest with you about why he was ending it). I don't see how it can be retrieved, but if it wasn't right for him it wasn't right overall, and presumably you would eventually have realised that and come to feel the same.

Re: Is all lost?

PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 6:04 pm
by Country Joe
Sadly we can never really know entirely what's going on in others hearts & minds. Sounds like your partner has had another agenda running alongside your relationship! Rather gutless & selfish of him to offer no substancial reason for ending your relationship other than the wet & weak ' it's me not you ' cliche'.
Don't ring him! if your totally honest with yourself you'll know what he's up to...looking for someone new and emailing other women on the dating site!
Your sure to feel vunerable and upset, contacting him will in some ways push you further away from him, he'll just see it as you being needy!
Start by accepting it's over and remove reminders of him and gifts etc. Indulge yourself in the things you enjoy get out and about, talk it through with friends and try and avoid spending to much time alone over thinking things through....acceptance is the first stage in moving forward!

Re: Is all lost?

PostPosted: Sun Apr 30, 2017 4:19 pm
by Tarantula
Agree with Snail and Country Joe 100%.