Did I act wrongly? (2 year relationship ended)

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Did I act wrongly? (2 year relationship ended)

Postby mattheejames88 » Fri Apr 28, 2017 5:34 pm

Hi everyone. My girlfriend of 2 years has ended our relationship. I have known her as a friend since college 13 year's ago. I have a full time job and she is studying at a college. She has been married in the past, and a year and a half into our relationship she wanted to get married to me. During the rest of our relationship I have been committed to my job and other work that surrounds me (I told her truthy that it is for our future - better home, money etc). She currently doesn't have a job herself. I wanted a perfect future for us both. We saw each other over the weekends and holidays due to her college course. She told me 4 days ago that I hurt her stating I said she isn't a priority. That is twisted as I explained to her engagement currently is not main priority as I have to work for both of us. I want the perfect wedding etc. She said because of my actions she doesn't love me anymore. I was really hurt. When we broke up it hit me hard. I keep thinking I could have done something different. Since the breakup I feel like I need to marry her right now or am I been irrational? I miss her terribly and I really love her. She said to me think of your words and actions in future, I want us to be friends but need time. This is what I regret. I told her I love her more than a friend and want her in my life forever. If you change your mind let me know abd we can have a perfect life together. I miss her and it really was not my intentions for this to end up like this. I'm finding it hard to get her out my mind. How can she move away from a 2 year relationship. I am deverstated. Did I do wrong? I appreciate you all letting me talk to you all
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Re: Did I act wrongly? (2 year relationship ended)

Postby Mrconfused74 » Fri Apr 28, 2017 9:14 pm

No you didn't do wrong in trying to build a secure base for your relationship, having a steady job and income, somewhere to live is very important. It seems to me what she wanted was a sign of your commitment to her, and that could've been a proposal! Just because you get engaged doesn't mean you have to get married soon after! But it would've been something for her. You could've have said that yes you can get engaged but you want the wedding to be perfect for her and so want to wait so you can save for it. Maybe it's not too late, but only time will tell .
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Re: Did I act wrongly? (2 year relationship ended)

Postby mattheejames88 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 8:03 am

That's for the reply. It is like for her there was a deadline for the engagement. I guess time will tell. When she said we are no longer together what's done is done it really hurts. Is no contact the best way forward? I hate social media seeing her online and always tempted to message her.
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Re: Did I act wrongly? (2 year relationship ended)

Postby Mrconfused74 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 12:55 pm

If you hate social media either get off it or block her! Maybe if she sees you moving on she will see what she's lost, but if she's said it's over you need to accept that. Move on things may change but if they didn't you'll be wasting time waiting.
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Re: Did I act wrongly? (2 year relationship ended)

Postby snail » Sat Apr 29, 2017 1:38 pm

It is possible that the engagement issue was simply an easy excuse for her to give you as to why she wanted to leave the relationship. If everything else was right, I can't see why waiting a little while to get engaged or married would actually cause a person to give up entirely - particularly after only two years and not living together yet. She may have felt the relationship wasn't right in some other way, but found it difficult to say or didn't want to hurt you.

I would agree about blocking her - it will make it harder for you to recover if you are reminded of her in any way.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Did I act wrongly? (2 year relationship ended)

Postby mattheejames88 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 6:14 pm

Thanks for all the advice you guys. I think your right. She said I claimed that I said to her back in December that she isn't a priority and that I ment it (in other words getting engaged) but I've clearly shown her in my actions towards her that it isn't the case (though she doesn't seem to remember this). I did say that exams and work are my priority right know over marriage. To me this could all be sorted, but as you guys say she said she doesn't love me anymore so I will not contact her. (With Facebook I decided to unfollow her so I don't see her update) but leave it open so she sees what I am up to etc. Glad I've joined this forum
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Re: Did I act wrongly? (2 year relationship ended)

Postby Tarantula » Sun Apr 30, 2017 4:02 pm

Hi

I think as someone else said, this whole engagement thing is a cover up for other issues that she's not being honest enough with you to tell you straight. From what you've said, she sounds somewhat on the childish side - ready to give it all away if everything isn't exactly on HER terms. Honestly I think she did you a favour.

Unfollowing is good. Go no contact for as long as you can, don't post anything about her or the breakup whatever you do - in fact, if you want her to miss you, it's best to post nothing at all and essentially 'disappear' for some time - a month or two. Then, when you do start posting again, keep it positive, showing new activities, interests or friends - show her that you've developed past the breakup and she will probably think twice about her actions. By that point, you will be in a better position to decide whether SHE'S still the right one for YOU. I'm guessing she isn't, and when the pain of this passes (day by day, slowly, but it will), you'll see it all more clearly. Don't be a sucker for someone who rejected you. If you contact her now, all it will do is feed her ego and make the breakup easier for HER, at the expense of your dignity and sanity. Don't do it to yourself! Instead, focus on your goals, career, life plan, and keep going forward. I know it's hard.
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