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Boyfriend doesn't seem interested in sex

PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2017 5:18 am
by Rarity
I'm getting to my wits end now... for those of you who have read my previous posts you will know that I've had this problem for a while now...

I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend has no sex drive at all. At the moment we are over a week without it (which is way to long for me). I don't know what to do anymore, I feel so fed up.

My boyfriend and I are great together, seriously. The only problem is the sex. It was never a problem when we first got together, we used to have it 3 or 4 times a night. I know it's expected that our sex drives would drop.after more than 2 years together, but his seems to have dissapeared completely. I'm still very much at the stage where I want to jump on him most nights but he seems to have lost all enthusiasm. He says he hasn't and that I turn him on, but how can I beleive that when it's been over a week of me trying it and and telling him how horny I am and he hasn't for a second made me think that he might want it too... He always tells me that he finds it sexy if I try it on with him, and just to give him a nice kiss to get him going but it doesn't work. He just lays and watches tv, or sits on his computer game. If I ever mention anything about sex he either laughs it off or changes the subject.

It's really frustrating me! I don't dare say anything about it as he seems to take it the wrong way if I mention it, or says that I'm not trying hard enough... I am.trying! He just doesn't seem bothered. Now I'm panicling because I'm 23 weeks pregnant and getting bigger and I'm terrified he's not attracted to me anymore. He says he loves me.more than anything, but I don't feel like he does when we're not even having regular sex. It's really frustrating, my sex life with my ex was non-existent so now I have a boyfriend that I want to be all over and he doesn't seem bothered at all.

I have spent the last 3 or 4 nights crying to myself because of this. If I don't say anything it won't get better, if I do say something about it he'll just say it's all in my head and then we still won't have sex because he says when I mention it he "feels like he has to" and he doesn't want to see sex as a chore. I don't want him to see sex as a chore either but I feel like he already does as he never wants it!

I bought a French maid outfit a few months ago which I wore once (doesn't really fit over my growing belly now!) And I also bought a dildo to try and spice things up a bit. Me and the dildo have spent more time together than me and him lately. That upsets me too... I have a feeling he masterbates when I'm not around... usually it doesn't bother me as I maturbate too, but it's kind of upsetting when it seems like he'd rather have a wink than have sex with me.

I feel like I'm going crazy... one side of me thinks that maybe Im just overeacting but the other half of me thinks that there's a bother problem here. He says it's because he's puy on weight so he gets tired easily, but I'm not sure how because when we do stuff he just lays there!! It's always me giving him head while he half-heartedly fingers me... If he doesn't finish in my mouth he will pull me on top and he will be finished in 2/3 bounces. I'm getting hardly any satisfaction when we DO actually have sex. I understand he's worried about his weight but I think he's beautiful, and I tell him that a lot. He says he can't manage stiff as much as he gets tired easily. Well, I know guys who are a lot bigger than him that can manage it and are probably having more sex than we are.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I know saying something about this to him will only end in us falling out or with him telling me it's all in my head and he's "always up for it".

It's like, he says he's always horny and up for it. Bit he never actually tries anything with me, and ignores all my advances. Then if I say anything he says that I don't try it hard enough wit him. It's hard to try it on with someone that laughs at you or changes the subject everytime you mention sex!! And he rarely tries it on woth me so I feel like I'm stuck in limbo.

I've thought about making it very obvious that I'm using my dildo a lot but tbh I don't think that will make him any more bothered about it. The other night he even to use it. I don't understand why he doesn't seem to want to do stuff with me...

I feel so.unattractive. I've even tried wearing more revealing clothes and doing my hair and makeup nice for him but if he notices he never mentions it. I feel like I can't mention anything as he always seems to turn it around on me and make it out like there's no problem.and I'm not trying hard enough.

I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy because I'm desperate for some.action, pregnancy hormones are making me randy as hell and I haven't had sex for way over a week. Even the last times we've had sex it hasn't been very fulfilling for me as I don't get all my pleasure from giving him head. I wouldn't dare cheat on him, and he's the love of my life, but I can't help.but wonder how long I can last like this. I can sort myself out with toys but it's not the having an actual moment with a real person that you love. I'm scared I'd this carries on ill be tempted to look for it elsewhere, which I don't want to do.

How can I make him see just how much this is bothering me? If I tell him he just tells me I'm being silly. Talking doesn't seem to get through to him, it just makes this awkward between us and then it makes it awkward when it comes to sex. I just want us both to have fun, meaningful sex that's good for both of us and not just him!!

Any advice would be very appreciated as I've totally given up. I can't keep crying every night over it, I'm making myself scared of sex because I'm panicking about crying when it happens next time and panicking about what he's thinking about me. I really can't go on like this...

Re: Boyfriend doesn't seem interested in sex

PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2017 7:22 am
by David020549
Slow down you are way too demanding, no guy can keep up having sex several times a day we just don't work that way, you are at serious risk of driving him away.

On average couples have sex once a week, early in the relationship maybe twice a week, occasionally more than once a night, most likely when they have been separated for a while. All couples are different but demanding sex continually does not work, also most men like to initiate sex, so cuddle up to him and let him start the action, he is not going off you, you are expecting too much.

If he is not interested for several weeks that is the time to dress up as a maid or whatever, men do like a girl with a good sex drive and a sense of fun, they also like the chase, you should concentrate on quality not quantity a really good romp twice a week would suit most keen couples.

Re: Boyfriend doesn't seem interested in sex

PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2017 9:21 am
by Rarity
You may have read that all wrong... I'm not asking for it several times a day ( I WOULD have I secret times a day bit I know that is asking way too much.) I'm trying it on woth him and getting no response. It's been over a week since we last had sex, and demanding or not, that's not enough for me.

Also about the quality over quantity... I'm not even getting good quality as I said in the lost above^, he lats there.most times and gets his blowjob and he give me.a half bothered fingering, sometimes he doesn't even do that as he's happy to just have a blowjob.

Forgive me if I'm in the wrong, but I don't think you've post properly. He even tells me himself that he likes it when I initiate. And it's been over a week of me.making it very obvious I want him.and just getting no response. This isn't about me driving him away, as I haven't said anything to him, this is about me wanting sex at least once a week like as I'm a highly sexed person.

He isn't helping me at all with the housework or anything, he does nothing but play on his computer all day, even being 23 weeks pregnant he never offers to help. The most he could do is satisfy my sexual needs at least once a week but he's not interested!!

Re: Boyfriend doesn't seem interested in sex

PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2017 1:06 pm
by David020549
I do understand your frustration I learned the hard way not paying attention to my wife's "needs", she made her displeasure very apparent over several days, so a half hearted performance is not wanted at all.
Maybe he is watching too much porn, men only have a certain level of sex drive, if he is using all that up watching porn he won't be getting aroused properly with you. It is obviously important that you both get on the same wavelength where sex is involved, had you thought of watching porn together, there is plenty that shows the performers both enjoying the session, maybe he will realise what is expected.
If that does not work you are going to have to tell him straight what you want.

Re: Boyfriend doesn't seem interested in sex

PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2017 2:51 pm
by Mrconfused74
How long has this been going on for? It's quite possible that as you get bigger yes finding it hard to want to have sexy with you! Some guys are like that, just the thought of having sex and their penis being 'close' to the baby is off putting. Maybe you need to not put pressure on him, by asking , maybe ask him for a massage then as your sitting up in front of him and you feel he may be relaxed guide his hand to your breast, it doesn't always have to be about intercourse, their are other ways of being satisfied.

Re: Boyfriend doesn't seem interested in sex

PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2017 10:09 pm
by bestgirl
I don't think your own self-esteem should be linked to sex. Forgive me, but there seems to be an element of that in what you say.

Secondly, there is nothing more off-putting than having pressure put on you for sex.

Thirdly, masturbation is independent from sex and can be a very useful tool to balance things out.

Finally, I have had months without sex at times, and we hardly sleep in the same bed, but this does not mean that there is necessarily a problem. I did worry about this myself, but it turns out that actually, sex comes and goes and we need to all be flexible.

It seems to be that you need it a lot and I can see that this would be an issue. I think that you need to get to the bottom of why you want this from him - you can satisfy your libido if you want to on your own, so it's not about sex. It's about him.

Re: Boyfriend doesn't seem interested in sex

PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2017 2:24 pm
by highlandcow
Could it be to do with the pregnancy? I know towards the end of my pregnancy, my husband felt odd about full sex because of his proximity to the baby. I know how you must be feeling, preganancy changes the way you look at yourself and sex can be a way of reassuring you that you're still attractive.

Is it just full sex he won't do or is everything off limits? Can you do *ahem* stuff without full intercourse?