Possibly a touchy subject...

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Possibly a touchy subject...

Postby SillyMistakes » Thu Jun 08, 2017 11:16 am

I may not come off great here, i know, just getting it off my chest to people who cant spend every day judging me is good :L

So recently i met a guy I've been dating (I'm gay, may not be relevant) and we're getting along really well, but its the slowest I've ever moved forward while dating, and I think he's noticing... we're on the sixth date and only just kissed, and honestly, the problem is i am really, hyper-aware that he's black.

Hear me out; in both straight and gay-world black men and women are hyper-sexualized for their "exoticness" (along with Asians, Latinos, but for some reason that seems to be more women, etc) and that's always disturbed me, I always hated gay friends talk about wanting "black dick" or watching "black porn" or wanting a "black boyfriend" because i was like, that's not you wanting a guy because he seems right for you, that's you wanting him because you have some sort of... fantasy which borders on the the publicly racist.

But what I'm finding is I've gone completely the other way, i refuse to sexualize him for fear he'll think i'm like that, and even through minor things like, I've always had a thing for full lips, they look attractive to me and i love kissing guys with full lips, I've told every other guy I've dated (who had full lips, I'm not a dick) about this, but i wont tell Josh because I'm worried he'll take it a race thing. Quite honestly, i feel like I'm just as bad as those guys I remember swarming around when a rare black man entered the gay bar i used to frequent, i judged them then and I'm judging myself now for the polar opposite.

So I've gotten it off my chest, was just also wondering about what people have to say about it all, whether theres anything i can do, and whether i really am just as bad :L.
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Re: Possibly a touchy subject...

Postby highlandcow » Thu Jun 08, 2017 3:25 pm

Hi there,

To be honest I don't think what you're thinking is wrong at all - you're just trying not to cause anyone any offence as far as I can tell (which is no bad thing!) The fact that you're so worried and have gone so far to prove that you're not thinking of him only in terms of his race proves that.

I do think, however, that you might be slightly over-analyzing though. I think that if you mention that you love his full lips, he wouldn't see that as rascist at all, just the compliment that it is. Why would he think that was anything other than a nice thing to say? Say it, and I bet he won't be unhappy.

SillyMistakes wrote: I always hated gay friends talk about wanting "black dick" or watching "black porn" or wanting a "black boyfriend" because i was like, that's not you wanting a guy because he seems right for you, that's you wanting him because you have some sort of... fantasy which borders on the the publicly racist.


See this right here? That say to me that you're serious about commiting to someone that you like. You have respect for people. You want someone right for you. Seems to me that it's your mates that have the problem and you're going above and beyond trying to prove to them that it's not about race.

Bottom line though, you like this fella right? Then my advice would be to relax. Enjoy him, pay him all the compliments that you want to and enjoy where this relationship leads. 8)
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