I messed up.. Big time.

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I messed up.. Big time.

Postby Habtron » Sat Jun 17, 2017 4:32 pm

I was with this girl for just under 3 years, she was my first love. We had a pretty normal relationship, the ups and downs. My problem is, im a pretty unemotional guy. But she was the only person i actually could feel and show emotions to. Anyway just before I ended it, her grandmother died 3 weeks before Christmas. We broke up on boxing day. I told her that I didn't want to be with her, wanted to move on with my life. I moved away for a new job. Im about a hour from home where I use to live. Meet up with a old college friend and things went from there. Few weeks we were dating. But I couldn't feel the same way I did. We broke up after 4 months. Each day I thought about my first love. But had minimum contact, removed her from social media etc. Then around April was working with a colleague and he was explaining his problems with his girlfriend, It got me thinking about my first love again. Even though we had broken up for 6 months now. I unblocked her on Instagram to see she was seeing a new guy. I wanted to try get her back before she was settled down in a comfortable relationship. Had she been I would not stepped back into scene. I text her and we started talking again. I asked her what her new guy was like. She just said shes not sure of him, little things like to nice she said. Anyway meet with her later that week and explained how id felt the last six months. I asked if she would be interested in dinner and drinks. She agreed to it, so that weekend she came to mine after work. It started with dinner, it was a bit awkward between us at first. But a couple of drinks and that passed. Started playing a few drinking games and questions were asked one after another on both our sides. we slept together that night multiple times. In the morning it carried on. Skip a few weeks of the same sort of situation. I asked about getting back together and she said she loves me but her feelings are not strong enough.

The last month is the only time i've felt happy again. just looking forward to seeing her and spending time together. She says that she doesn't know if she can ever be more than friends again.

My question is, is there a chance I can get her back. I don't know what else I can say or do. I'm not use to being in a situation where im not in control of and it scares the F*** out of me.
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Re: I messed up.. Big time.

Postby David020549 » Sat Jun 17, 2017 9:09 pm

You're going to have to get used to NOT being in control, relationships are not about being in control they are about partnership and give and take. Maybe you are unemotional, most guys are, but you are expected to be supportive
to her emotions. First loves are special, however she is not the same girl you fell for she now has much higher expectations.

YOU asked her back for a second try, that puts you on the defensive, she obviously still has feelings for you, but you now have to prove yourself to win her back, you are lucky most girls would have said get lost. If you want her as your partner put her first, that means, given the choice of drinking with your mates or seeing her, choose her.
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Re: I messed up.. Big time.

Postby highlandcow » Sun Jun 18, 2017 3:35 pm

David020549 wrote:most girls would have said get lost

I've got to be honest and say that I probably would have done! But then, maybe I'm not as trusting...

Agree with David, she will have much higher expectations this time.

You have to be really sure you know what you want this time and that you're not just wanting her back because you've seen her on Instagram with another bloke. It will take a lot for her to trust you again so make sure you're getting back with her for the right reasons.
Go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
'It's good to be alive!'"

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