The reasons being..
That I have a kid that was kind of forced on her because we moved in quickly as she was evicted by her parents.
I also cheated on her right on the start of the relationship because that was the only way my ex (that I left to be recent ex) would let me see my son.
She has deep personal issues from her childhood that she hasn't resolved, but is in the process of getting help with. Counsellor has said she forms attachments to people she can't have and as soon as she has them doesn't want them anymore.
Because of this it led to her cheating on me, (physical act took place while we were broken up but the ground work was done during relationship) which I've forgiven her for.
Because of her past she doesn't like the closeness of a relationship, kissing, cuddling and hugging but is OK with sex.
But here's where it gets confusing for me..
She's currently still living with me, hesitant to go because she's scared of losing me as a friend and her home (she'd be moving in to her nan's). At first she was adamant that she needs to break up with me to figure herself out and what she wants and that that's it, we're done. But over the course of the last two weeks she's gradually changed her tone in which she talks about it and keeps throwing out little statements that go against that.
For example - She's said that, for her, our chapter is closed because I told a family member of what she done, and her anxiety over what they would think would stop her because she couldn't show her face to them again.
She's said that she isn't ready for a relationship much less with someone who has a kid, even though she has a good bond with mine, she gets anxious about him being around the two days a week I have him.
But, the other side of that coin is this - she's said doesn't know how she'll feel when she's moved out and not actually around me anymore (why she's scared of moving out, doesn't want to not be without me in her life) she may wake up one day a month from now and realise she's made a mistake.
Then, yesterday morning, she woke up and felt like she maybe wanted to date (when she moves out to her nan's) but doesn't know if that's what she wants or if she'd be doing it for me. Then later on said that maybe she feels like we could be friends that have sex and that's it because of how she feels about relationships and the fact she'd be too scared to see my family member again.
To say I'm confused is putting it lightly. I don't know how to make logical sense of that in my head. My heart is saying she's changing her mind and that given a little room she'll come back but my head is just about treading water.
Answers on a postcard please
