Expectations from girlfriend

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Expectations from girlfriend

Postby dawolf » Sat Nov 25, 2017 11:08 am

I've been with my girlfriend for just over 2 years now and I moved into her house about 8 months ago. I wanted to do this although my girlfriend did put a bit of pressure on for me to do it to prove my commitment. We both pay half for everything.
Just to give a full picture this year has been very challenging for me. At the start of the year I moved into another job after working in the same place for about 10 years - this was quite stressful getting used to new people, systems, manager etc. Also my dad passed away rather suddenly in the summer so I've been sorting out all his affairs with some help from family. I've been going through grief over the loss for the last few months and it's obviously ongoing. This has probably impacted on things with the relationship.
On the whole the relationship with my girlfriend is good, we have a lot of similar interests and get on well together. Most importantly we're both caring and love each other very much. However, there have been a few issues which keep surfacing. My girlfriend is a very sensitive person and tends to take things the wrong way quite often. She is someone who plans a lot and analyses everything which is said. She is rather strong-headed and will speak up very directly if she's not happy about anything but she can come across a bit harsh at times.
She has made comments that she feels like I don't want to spend time with her sometimes and she feels she is doing virtually all of the household chores. She feels like I spend too much time on the computer playing games, washing my car or reading by myself. She feels like I don't love her anymore some days.
I admit I could make a bit more effort to help out with things in the house and I've started to do that. However, I always try to show her my love and support to her. I don't spend that much time on my own, maybe like an hour or so on a weekday evening and then about 2 hours on each of my days off. The rest of the time we do things together and we always go out somewhere nice once or twice a week. My girlfriend occasionally pops out to see a friend or her family for an hour or so. I was single previously for nearly 8 years and I'm a person who needs a bit of space otherwise I can feel things are too intense. I get the impression my girlfriend would happily do virtually everything together throughout the week. I know that relationships are all about balance and compromise and I'm not sure whether I can meet all her expectations.

What are people's thoughts on this? Do you think we can find a compromise and make things work?

Thanks.
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Re: Expectations from girlfriend

Postby David020549 » Sun Nov 26, 2017 4:45 pm

Reading your side of the story sounds entirely reasonable, having an hour or two to yourself during the day does not sound out of order. She sounds very insecure for some reason, wanting your attention all the time but that is not a realistic option in any relationship, you both need a break from each other or tensions rise.

Getting the balance right is never easy, one woman may be quite content being queen of the house, it's her domain and as long as her man comes home every day with enough cash she will be happy. At the other extreme there are women who have everything done for them and it is never enough, so a guy has to find a girl that he can get that contented balance with. Expectations have never been higher but on the other side many women have had multiple relationships that have not worked out, so they are very wary.

8 months is a very short time, do what you can to please her, try to anticipate what she wants and be sensitive to her moods but don't let her manipulate you, she also needs to consider what you want from the relationship.
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Re: Expectations from girlfriend

Postby stephie2 » Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:20 pm

I think the main thing is to talk to each other and be honest.

When you both work it should be a joint task to do the housework and it is important that you both split this equally. Same with the bills etc everything down the middle that way neither one feels that they are at fault or can be blamed for not contributing.

As for time to yourself. Yes you should be able to have some alone time. Once the house is in order and work is done it is nice to sit down together and spend time together but equally you have to be able to do something for yourself too. Just make sure that you are equally splitting your time with her too. Explain to her that you love her and enjoy her company but you also need a bit of space for you too. It is good for a relationship to have different interests and not always be in each others pockets.
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