Any wise words gratefully accepted

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Any wise words gratefully accepted

Postby Bismarck » Sat Nov 25, 2017 11:54 am

I am male,and my female partner is quite a lot younger than me.

We met on Facebook, and she seemed lovely. We had great discussions on all topics, and she asked me to come to live with her, even hiring a truck to come and pick me up and bring me to her. I am English, she is Italian, and we converse mostly in French, and although my French is not at all bad, explaining things in that language is hard sometimes, when it is a matter of the heart. We also use Skype and Google Translate to try and explain any word anomalies.
At first, she seemed very loving, but that has cooled... after a few weeks, she said I was not as romantic as she had thought, and she felt I just wanted sex.... I altered my approach to her, and things seemed better, but her daughter and boyfriend lived here, and were constantly interrupting our peace if we were in the lounge, and them in the kitchen right alongside... if I suggested going to the bedroom for privacy, she said it made it feel like a preliminary to sex, although we have a DVD player and TV in the room...admittedly there are no chairs there, just a bed, and I think that she thought I was after one thing only. We have been together a year now, and lovemaking has not happened for some time.... I am scared to approach her, feeling that if I do, at the wrong pace or time, that she will get angry, and ALL will be lost.... she tells me she loves me, as I do her, but it has become platonic - and we both want and need more than that... she has always been a smoker, me not, and she told me initially she would cut back, she stopped once before... but with the stress, she is now on more than 60 a day, which puts me off somewhat. If I had chance to kiss her, it would always be with a cigarette present... she was bullied by her mother when she was young, and lived with her father, and admits she is hard... she is the hardest woman I have known, but at times is the most considerate partner I have had.... we are close to finishing it all, and she flies into rage at the slightest thing, due to frustration in all ways.... she can be sweet, then a monster.... I was married before for many years, and she has had 7 separate partners, but says I am the only one she has had this problem with. Life is a nightmare at present, and I need to find a way how to again approach her initially, and continue to better things.... she also works from home, I am retired, and so we see each other throughout the day... she does not want flowers or chocolates she tells me, just wants commitment. How can I do that, when the fear of rejection is so high? If I try to explain, she talks over me, and then tells me "It's YOUR problem". Any advice, however painful, would be welcome. Thank you.
Bismarck
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Re: Any wise words gratefully accepted

Postby stephie2 » Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:29 pm

If it is affecting you both and your relationship then it both your problem!

You need to be able to talk. Tell her if she wants this relationship to work then she needs to sit with you and both be able to say what you want out of the relationship and about how you both feel. If she does not agree to this then I am afraid I do not see a way to rectify the problems and save the relationship :(
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