took a loan behind my back

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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby lena12 » Fri Feb 02, 2018 12:44 pm

does anyone know about cheap divorces on line and if they are genuine. i looked on the citizens advice website and they said not to go with any of them and you would still have to pay the application fee
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby lena12 » Fri Feb 02, 2018 2:23 pm

Any replies please also when should i tell the kids. they are all over 20. my sons birthday is in 2 weeks should i wait until after that so not to spoil things for him?
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby stephie2 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:51 pm

I personally think you are better off out of the relationship. There doesn't seem much trust there at all. Without trust you don't have a relationship.
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby lena12 » Tue Feb 20, 2018 8:02 pm

yes i hear the advice thankyou. do you ever feel you have wasted your life with the wrong man and ever wished if you had met someone better cos i do. i do feel trapped so much and feel this is it and theres no way out of it so i have to stay and live in a unhappy marriage and lead a unhappy life. my sons girlfriends mum is with a man who as a good job and plenty of money lives in a lovely house and doesnt need for anything. why couldnt that of been me. why was i the one to be with someone who as nothing and debts that will never go away and to live a hard horrible life. why me. if only i could of saw my life with him i would of walked the other way. ive been feeling like theres a lot of pressure in my head and i cry alot. i know its because im stressed and im depressed. i wish i could walk out on this life i have and never look back. my biggest regret is that i met him settled down to quick and i look back with so many regrets.
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby lena12 » Fri Feb 23, 2018 11:20 am

Any replies?
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby Tarantula » Fri Feb 23, 2018 9:03 pm

That's a tough situation. However, I think you are not seeing things entirely accurately.

You are in control and you're in this mess due to your own choices.

I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but the flipside is this: you CAN walk away and never look back. The only thing stopping you is yourself; the same self who got herself into this. Are you going to keep doing what that self says you should do, or are you going to do things differently?

My guess is, you'll find a reason to stay and be in exactly the same situation - or worse - in a year from now. Because most people don't change the trajectory of their lives. They whinge and complain about it but ultimately choose to stay there.

Remember: YOU are responsible for how your life turns out. You can decide to do the scary, unfamiliar thing and change. Or, you can stay the same, and what will your results do? You guessed it - stay the same.

You can't put it all on him. You're not in control of his or anyone else's behaviour. But you are in control of how you RESPOND to that behaviour.

You need to take responsibility, however difficult it may seem, and start thinking 'what is going to make me happy in the long term? Not just today, but further down the line? What do I really want?'

And then.... DO it.

Life's too short.
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby lena12 » Tue Feb 27, 2018 7:19 pm

yes you are so right Tarantula what you say. found out he as recently been looking at porn when he told me he would stop years ago. it was a video of two women together . he said he thought he deleted it. it was in the recycle bin on his laptop but i think he left it there to look again. i feel really really hurt and angry he went and looked at it. he said he looked at it when i was out. he said he only wants to have sex with me but i told him he must want to have sex with these women not me thats why he looks and went back on it again. we have had sex and i dont think i have deprived him in anyway. ive dressed up and done it different ways too. so what was wrong with me. when he looked years ago he said he was fascinated by one of the porn stars body. i really felt shocked and it hurt because another women had turned him on and he must think of them even when he was with me. he didnt care about my feelings by looking at it all this time later but i bet he as been doing it for years and lied to me saying he wasnt. i dont need porn to turn me on i use my imagination so why couldnt he. he had girlfriends before he met me so im not the only one he as ever been with. why couldnt he of stopped. he said hes not addicted but i think he maybe. he didnt care he hurt me said he would stop because he saw what it done to me yet done it all over again.
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby lena12 » Thu Mar 01, 2018 1:27 am

Any replies again please
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby stephie2 » Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:23 am

The only person that can make the decision is you. You have to decide whether or not you want to be in the relationship and go from there.
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money

Postby hare » Fri Mar 16, 2018 1:30 am

A letter came addressed to me and my husband. it was from the council to say they will except reduced payments each month for the poll tax. it is 5 months worth that he hadn't paid. he said we had moved house and he had forgot all about it and they hadnt sent a letter to ask for it. i don't think he forgot at all. he tells me each month he as paid all the bills and even said to my face once that the poll tax had been paid too. he denies he said this to me. im furious that he as had that extra money and i don't know what its gone on. told me it went on us and getting things. he gets enough money to cover all the bills each month. he as said many times, he wonders what the poll tax money goes on when they, the bin men don't even do a good job. i told him if he doesn't want to pay poll tax then his only other choice is to go on the dole and he wouldn't have to pay anymore. he fell behind with the poll tax last year before we moved and was paying instalments then. i have said for me to pay the bills each month when he gets paid and he said what difference will i make by paying them, i said i will see where the money is going and he said i will see it goes on bills. he said you think it was a big cover up the wy im going on bout it and that it was just a bill. for 5 months i didn't have a clue he hadn't paid it. so could he be keeping other things from me as well.
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby Tarantula » Fri Mar 16, 2018 10:22 am

Why do you keep taking a new username?

More importantly... why haven't you left him yet?
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby stephie2 » Fri Mar 16, 2018 10:42 am

We need a like button :lol:
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby lena12 » Mon Mar 26, 2018 5:58 pm

Because i havent left him yet like i said i would do and i had the other problem with the poll tax money i wanted to ask about. he told me the housing office wont give me a place as there aren't many houses around. i have no family or friends to stay with and no money so what can i do. i do want to leave him so what will the housing do? i will be homeless.
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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby snail » Mon Mar 26, 2018 8:53 pm

Do you have any income? Do you have a job at all? You can get a room, with bills, for around £100 a week in most towns I think.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: took a loan behind my back

Postby David020549 » Tue Mar 27, 2018 7:56 am

Lena or any others who want to leave
The council will not rehouse you unless you are actually homeless, that means you turn up at the council offices with the kids and a couple of cases, you will probably be put in emergency B&B. That is going to be pretty grim, and a far cry from the "relative" comfort and security you have now and you could be there for months so no one can blame you for staying put.

If you live in rented housing you could get a court order to get your husband out and pay the rent yourself with benefit help if needed. If you are living in "his" house you will have to move out eventually, again a court order is needed, he will have to get it but if he won't get the court order you are stuck. It's quite likely that he wants you to stay in the hope that you will change your mind, if you haven't started divorce get that under way, you are not alone in this there are far more people wanting to be rehoused than the councils have places.

You are angry that he took an advance on wages for a few hundred pounds, leaving just for that is pretty severe, although I suspect that is just part of the reason that the relationship has broken, leaving is not easy without making you and the kids much worse off.
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