Girl with a really bad past, can I trust her...

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Girl with a really bad past, can I trust her...

Postby Looking for love :( » Tue Feb 27, 2018 11:19 pm

Hello everyone, I’ve been reading the forum for a while and I think it’s time for me to start being an active user with my set of problems...

Story I have to tell is really complicated and messed up, so please bear with me and maybe someone can reassure me in what I’m doing or point out that this is not worth my time or effort.
Ok, so I’m a single dad, looking after my wonderful daughter. A year ago I met a girl online, single mum with a child, through a dating website - she was really amazing in terms of how many similar topics we had together and how everything was just clicking.

My ex wife was really abusive in terms of not looking after our daughter, lying, drinking and probably having someone on the side too, when I was working and providing for my family.
That girl told me at one point that she was a cheater too, apparently her ex husband was never into sex and they were doing it once every few months. When she got pregnant (for the sake of saving her marriage) he wasn’t touching her for nine months, and after she gave birth it was even less frequent. She started looking for someone while being married and she was seeing one bloke for few months. After he went out of the window she was sleeping with another guy for almost a year, that obviously faded away too and she was seeing another person. After him she was talking to several men but she says she never slept with them, was in a relationship with someone from a different country but she went to see him once but apparently they didn’t have sex.

After she had a divorce she found out that her ex approached her brother sometime during the relationship and wanted to have sex with him, which explains why he was avoiding getting close and why it was so infrequent. He was possibly bisexual or maybe gay as they’re both from Middle East and being gay there is forbidden so he maybe got married for the sake of making his family happy.

She told me about everything and was terrified that I might run away as she said she knows she doesn’t deserve to be happy after how she was in the past. She begged me not to look at her by the things she’d done in the past but by how changed she is now.

I am fighting with my thoughts, it’s been over a year now and I can’t seem to start trusting her, and just visualising her doing what she did and then coming back home to her child and ex husband like nothing happens is making me sick.

She did all of it while being unaware that he might be gay, so for me it’s really bad. I don’t really know what to think about it as she seem to be completely changed now, deleted all her social media accounts long before she met me, she’s being faithful so far but it’s been only a year... what can I expect from her? She keeps saying she loves me and wants to be with me forever but how can I be sure about it when she was cheating multiple times in the past????? Once a cheater always a cheater or can people change and become better????
Looking for love :(
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Re: Girl with a really bad past, can I trust her...

Postby David020549 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 10:08 am

This girl has told you what she wants you to know and it's pretty chequered, don't be surprised if it is not quite reality. She will most likely stay loyal if you treat her well and she is happy and secure, so trust her to a degree but if her mood changes there will be something going on.
You might just be the man of the moment, maybe she will meet a man from her own culture or become homesick, you will never be sure.
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Re: Girl with a really bad past, can I trust her...

Postby Tarantula » Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:23 pm

You have to give people a fair chance.

If she's shown remorse for previous actions, which were nothing to do with you... then I say, give her a clean slate.

Cheating isn't something people just do completely from their own side. It depends on many things. I understand where you're coming from, but if she's told you all of this and been honest and given an explanation as to why she used to behave like that, and why she won't do that with you......... it has to be innocent until proven guilty.

There is no other fair way. Of course, if she gives you reason to have suspicions then it would be safe to assume that she's up to her old antics.

But if there's no sign of that, then, carry on.
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Re: Girl with a really bad past, can I trust her...

Postby stephie2 » Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:28 am

The past is the past and she could have not told you and you would have been none the wiser.

The fact that this woman has told you everything about her past in the hope of having no secrets in your relationship speaks volumes.

She has told you all her secrets and you know about it all now. Give the girl a chance and only raise it as an issue if there is an actual issue or you have some grounds to question it.
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